Or my snobby ass will never date you….and here’s why…..

1. You can’t read.

So, I have this personal ad up and sometimes men write me. Except I’m having a few problems….you see, I’m not looking for a husband, I’m not looking for true love. I’m looking for someone to have fun with. Men who write me and are looking for the love of their life OBVIOUSLY Can’t read. Or they wouldn’t have written me in the first place.

2. You have no picture on your profile

We live in a visual world. Get over it.

3. You can’t be bothered to fill out your profile (AND You have no picture).

Look, dude, if I can take the time to write something semi-witty, so can you. Your basic stats won’t endear me to you. I don’t care how tall you are, whether you drink, etc…to a point. I DO care about what you’re looking for (and to be perfectly honest, how well you can express yourself).

4. In your first email you ask me for my phone number and where I live.

Look, dude, this is the internetz. It’s filled with predators and you could be a pedophile. I’m NOT going to give you my address and phone number right off the bat. Get a clue. And if my repeated requests to know more about you are ignored.

5. Your response is written in internet speak.

The ONLY person who gets away with internet shorthand when *speaking* to me is my child and it still drives me batshit crazy. You are a 40 year old man (or thereabouts), please save yourself the embarrassment and use basic English.

6. You are completely illiterate and shouldn’t even be allowed to own a computer.

Look, dude, box it up and take it back to Wal Mart. I’m surprised you can even turn the damned thing on because it’s obvious you can’t read or write so the directions are totally lost on you. Case in point: A REAL (swear) response I got from a dude on a personal ad site.

hi,how are u, im jeff, im from arlington,nice to meet u baby,where do you live in arlington ,? can u give me your phone number for call u

On my first read through I thought
On my second read through I tried to decipher it.
On the third read-through I started critiquing it.
On the fourth, my head went splody!

Then a few days later, I got this:

can i look y to day,im in arlington and u its right,its not far,my house in center and u?

Are you SHITTING ME? What the hell? Are you like TEN?

Yes, I am enough of a snob to think that a fireman not to mention a 30 year old man (per his handle) should be, at the least, semi-literate. Don’t firefighters have to have college courses? You can’t SPELL, you have NO CLUE about basic punctuation–and I’m A WRITER. Dude, get a remedial English course like yesterday!

7. You think I must be desperate.

Just because I’m on some personal site looking for someone to date, doesn’t mean I’m desperate. I’ve held out this long…I can hold out until you finish that remedial reading class.

Please feel free to share my misery!

From Hollywood Reporter:*Tom Everett Scott and Arija Bareikis have joined the cast of NBC’s drama pilot “LAPD.”

In the WBTV-produced ensemble cop show from executive producer John Wells,Scott will play Russell, a cop and father of three married to a blogger.

Tom Everett Scott was in the TV show SAVED–canceled and I loved it. Apparently, “Blogger” is now considered a profession! Who knew!

Thoughts?

And so I don’t completely bore you…..here’s another TMI Tuesday:

1. What is the strangest thing you have ever inserted or seen inserted (in a sexual manner) in person?

Corn–SEEN!!!!! SEEN!!!!!!! Gave a whole new meaning to corn on the cob slathered in butter too

2. Have you ever had sex anyone whose name started with a J?

PROBABLY

3. Have you ever been outside completely naked?

YES

4. Do you prefer music, tv, or other noise in the background when you have sex?

Yeah, that way ifI get bored, I can just watch TV

5. Have you ever used ice for sexual purposes?

*flips through memory banks* YES

Bonus: Have you ever been propositioned for group sex?

Sadly No

——-
*god I’m such a TARD!!!!!

I found this……and I’m actually doing an older TMI because, well, this weeks was just TOO TMI *g* (and requires having something resembling a sex life)

What is the one thing you would change about your body?

I’d like to make about fifty pounds magically disappear and please, take the cellulite with it.
What is the one personality trait you would change?

Of mine, or someone elses?  :evillaugh: Okay, seriously, I would make myself more tolerant of other people becuase you know, most humans frustrate me to the point of wanting to slap the dog-fuck outta them. And soemtiems i just want to tell people to STFU.

I think that definitely qualified as TMI.  :yes: 

What is the one thing about your job you would change?

I actually like my job but sometimes I wish we lived in a Jetson’s world where we only worked like three days a week.

What is the one thing about your home you would change?

The floors. God I need new floors so bad! And I’d make it so my house was childproof-you know every time they swing a door open and leave dents, the dirty that accumulates around corners where they rub their hands, the doors that get broken when they chase each other and slam them, oh and self-cleaning bathrooms would be nice.  :yes: 

What is the one thing about your Significant Other you would change?

I’d make him visible. Cuz you know this whole invisible dude thing isn’t working so good for me.  :yes:

Who is the one person you would poof out of your life and why?

Wow I can think of at least two people and the why is because they’re pains in my ass (and one whines a lot–and no it’s not my kids LOL)–see earlier note about making myself more tolerant. Jesus, gimme a pill or something would ya?

Who is the one person you would poof back in and why?

Sorry, can’t name names which, I know, defeats the purpose of TMI, but there was this guy….ouch. I think that twinge I felt was the cement around my heart cracking.  :trolls: 

Feel free to play along here or link back!

Also, in the interest of TMI I’m going to share with you one of my guilty pleasure blogs: Another Suburban Mom

Also, part deux, the winner of our Spanked contest is Rob. Please email me your snail-mail address and I’ll forward it to Rachel who’ll get your book out to you!

First off, Rachel IS giving away a copy of Spanked, so you have until Thursday midnight CST to leave a comment.

I have to say, now that summer is over, I’m very disappointed in myself. I accomplished NOTHING I wanted done, except to finish HITTIN’ IT *sigh* No flowers planted, no bathroom painted, no books read with the kid…nothing :( Walgreens already has Halloween candy out and Christmas will be here soon–followed by *gulp* 2009 (HOLY SHIT!). Over the last few days I’ve cleaned–something else I haven’t done much of while stuck out on Deadline Island–the living room (other than dusting), the kitchen, the laundry room (I even hung a clothes line because we have an electric dryer and last month’s electric bill was almost as much as last month’s food bill–trust me, this is BAD).

That said, I’ll still make at least 3 of my 6 remaining goals. Two women’s fiction proposals that need editing and re-plotting and a YA proposal that’s almost plotted that I need to write — that I’m really REALLY excited about! So, as we sit here staring with horrified eyes at the remainder of 2008, what goals do you have to meet?

Also, my good friend Linda Winfree (who writes KICK ASS Southern Romantic Suspense) has a new release so I’m doing some pimpage!

Available TODAY from Samhain Publishing.

A Fallen Angels Review Recommended Read

“Ms. Winfree’s skill at putting emotion into words is nothing short of genius, she had me laughing, crying, cheering and just a little hot…Anyone that reads Hearts Awakened will not walk away unaffected…” — Rachel C., FAR Reviews
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Like next week. The decks are nearly cleared. I CANT WAIT!
In the mean time I um have a new release today (and a book due TODAY). Since I have no time to promo, teh lovely, Sims playing, Emma Petersen has set up a contest for me. Some lucky peeps will win a copy of MAKE U SWEAT, so go enter now. You know you want to!

WOOT! Do you guys know what next week is? *blinkblink*

You…there…in the back. What did you say? It’s the release of Make U Sweat?

Why yes, yes it is and thank you for remembering, but there’s actually something MORE IMPORTANT than a book release next week.

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For those of you who have been waiting with baited breath–much like I have–the Name My March 09 Book Contest is over. We have a winner.

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