…doesn’t qualify it as the perfect gift for the love of your life.
I know no one wants to hear this anymore than I do but a certain Holiday That Shall Remain Nameless is RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER! With that in mind, I thought maybe I should blog about what NOT to get your female significant other, then our female readers can print this out and leave it laying around where their significant others can find it–I recommend stashing it in the centerfold of the latest issue of Playboy, ladies!
10. Sexy lingerie: unless you know FOR CERTAIN that your ladylove actually likes wearing stuff to bed that will crawl up her ass in the middle of then night (and that her boobs will fall out of), skip it. The same goes for flannel, housecoats slippers and slipper socks! (Rule of thumb: Just because it’s on sale, doesn’t mean she actually wants it).
9. Diamonds: Yes, you heard me. Diamonds. Why? Two words…COP OUT! They don’t say, you cared enough to send the very best; they say, “You’re a lazy fuck who wandered into Zales and got conned.” If you truly cared enough to send the very best, you’d pick up your underwear off the floor.
8. A puppy: If your wife wanted another child, she’d throw out her birth control pills. Same goes for kittens and all other breathing, shitting creatures.
7. A new blender: Same goes for all other household appliances UNLESS they are specifically on her list (IE that hot and hunky top of the line totally kick ass breadmaker she’s been drooling over). And even so, you better surprise her with something grand. Preferably something grand that ISNT on her list. I suggest asking your daughters, her mom or her sister if you are at a loss. And if you are at a loss, I’m wondering why she married you in the first place.
6. Chia Pets: If your wife wanted something else to take care of, she’d get a friggin bunny/puppy/kitty/duck.
5. Gift cards for places she never shops: HELLOOOOOOO this one needs no explanation! Dick’s Sporting Goods is NOT your wife’s idea of a good time – just like I’m SURE sleeping on the couch from Christmas to Valentines Day isn’t yours.
4. A Brazillian Wax: Unless it comes with tickets to Brazil in which case, even I would forgive you 
3. A Personal trainer: Unless he’s super-hawt and you’re not the jealous kind.
2. Another wife…no matter how many times you tell her that second wife is to lighten her load, she’s still going to give you a divorce for New Years. To that end, a third because you know it’s always been her secret fantasy to be with a woman. That may be true, but that doesn’t mean she wants you watching.
1. Worse gifts than she gets you. Trust me on this. And I’m not necessarily talking about how much money you spend on her (What do you think this is? Valentine’s Day? I’m talking about the THOUGHT you put into your gifts….though I will say my ex always spent more on himself than he did on me).
***So, what’s the worst gift your SO ever got you, what’s the worst gift you can think of and what do you REALLY want for Christmas?
Emma Petersen
November 17th, 2009 at
12:38 pm
ROFLMAO! The picture kills me and this post made me :lmao:
Amie Stuart
November 17th, 2009 at
12:49 pm
LOL I KNOW!!!!!!! What a scream! I actually FOUND the photo this weekend while um … doing research…and I had to save it to do a blog post around it.!! :lmao:
Shelli
November 17th, 2009 at
1:16 pm
LOL I actually wouldn’t mind the lingerie, diamonds, and a Brazilian. But the chia pet and personal trainer are crap. LOL.
Love the pic!
Karen
November 17th, 2009 at
1:23 pm
That picture is hilarious! I love it.
Yeah your list is perfect. Though a hawt personal trainer doesn’t sound like a bad idea…heh heh heh.
MB (Leah)
November 17th, 2009 at
3:05 pm
You always crack me up. :lmao:
And isn’t Mom’s day more about giving a gift to your mom? Who’d give condoms to their mom? *shudders*
Anyway, I never got a crappy gift from the man cause we only buy each other exactly what we each requested. Not romantic for sure, but saves me from having to beat him up. :pow:
Worst gift would probably be a GC to some cosmetic/perfume/frufru soap place/ high end dept.store where I never shop anyways. Hate that stuff.
I hate diamonds and am particular about jewelry so better not to get it. And lingerie? Uh..no. I’m too fat and too old.
I don’t mind GC to places like Home Depot and such as I love that kind of stuff. And I do like practical gifts like vacuum cleaner or tire pressure gauge…LOL
The DH always puts a wad of cash as a stocking stuffer. I ain’t complaining. :bounce:
Jane
November 17th, 2009 at
4:07 pm
Thanks for the laughs. We actually got a Scooby-Doo Chia Pet from a neighbor a few years back.
mary
November 17th, 2009 at
5:44 pm
:lmao: omg this is the funniest thing ever!
I cannot think of a bad gift my hubby gave me but that’s because he usually asks me what I want or takes me into a store and says, pick something out. lol
Other worst gifts I’ve gotten was a box of 12 pairs of socks, from my brother for my birthday.
But he also gave his wife a tube of caulking and a screen door for christmas because as he said…she wanted it. Yeah she wanted it, but not as a christmas present!
My mom one year got a half eaten box of chocolates…I kid you not.
Linda Henderson
November 17th, 2009 at
5:48 pm
I’m divorced so I don’t have a significent other to worry about, thank goodness. I think the worst, unromantic present I ever got from my ex was a breadbox. :diebastard: He always was a sentimental fool. My mother got my daughter a crowing alarm clock one year for Christmas. :annoy: If I wanted to hear a rooster crowing I’d live on a farm. After that I took her shopping for my kids. I like bathproducts, books, candles and fuzzy blankets. I’m easy to buy for.
JenB
November 17th, 2009 at
6:48 pm
One year my husband bought me a vacuum cleaner and a bag of plastic ice cubes. To be fair, I had actually asked for the vacuum. But plastic ice cubes??? That really had me scratching my head. :wtf:
He has also bought me a ton of fabulous gifts like jewelry, guns, and replicas of our wedding cake…so I suppose it evens out pretty well. :hump:
Sherry
November 18th, 2009 at
12:24 pm
I love this it made me laugh I have a Aunt who never gives you anything that you’d use, but I always pretend that I love it. I can’t stand to hurt someones feelings.
Amie Stuart
November 18th, 2009 at
12:27 pm
Sherry I feel the same way! But my ex-MIL gave us a USED Dirt Devil as a wedding present! Bless her heart, she was recently diagnosed with lung cancer.
Amie Stuart
November 18th, 2009 at
12:28 pm
He has also bought me a ton of fabulous gifts like jewelry, guns,
:lmao: That is all.
Amie Stuart
November 18th, 2009 at
12:47 pm
If I wanted to hear a rooster crowing I’d live on a farm.
:lmao: Linda that’s HYSTERICAL!! I’m like you–fairly easy to buy for. If it’s pretty and smells good, Im in!
JenB
November 18th, 2009 at
12:52 pm
Hey, guns are cool! I was raised by farm people, you know. LOL
Amie Stuart
November 18th, 2009 at
1:02 pm
LOL Jane–neighbors are exempt!
Amie Stuart
November 18th, 2009 at
1:03 pm
Who’d give condoms to their mom?
Leah….the kid who wished mom wasn’t a barfly??? :badgirl:
Feisty
November 19th, 2009 at
1:56 pm
“You’re a lazy fuck who wandered into Zales and got conned.”
Hahahahahaa!!!!!
I would say nothing says I love you like a chuck of cash.