Come on set my boobs on fire
The title of this blog is to be sung to The Doors song: Light My Fire
♪♪♪♪♪
Come on set my boobs on fire
♪♪♪♪
Okay, it’s never been a big secret with me. I sure won’t deny it. But I’m a bit, how should I put this, clumsy? Accident prone? Actually, in choir in high school, I was voted ‘most accident prone’.
I spilled my virgin daiquiri all over the table of a really nice restaurant at my prom dinner. I tripped on a walking tour right after the guide told me to watch my step. I sat down in a wading pool with my cell phone in my pocket, and didn’t realize it until my butt started to vibrate non-stop.
But I think my biggest ‘How the hell did I do that!’ moment came on Saturday. I was cleaning my room after 24 hours of taking care of a kid sick with the stomach flu, and decided a candle might help knock out the scent of Eau de Puke. I grabbed my pomegranate candle and my book of matches (these are those wood stick ones, not the papery ones).
Anyway, I strike the match, watch it flare, and then suddenly it’s gone. But where did it go? And then I saw it, the flash of flame. I look down and there between my breasts, in my bra, is the top half of the match. On instinct I just slapped at it with my shirt and put out the flame (this all happened in about 5 seconds).
I run to the bathroom (too much in shock to feel any pain) and check to see if I have burn marks. And that’s when I realize (literally like almost a minute later) the match is still in my bra, so I fish it out. Checking out the damage I realize I have two red marks, and part of my skin was black and burned away (am I making you sick yet?) like when you burn the edge of paper. Today it’s just pink and yellow gooey. (Ha bet that made you gag a bit).
That’s when I just shake my head and mutter, “Only me.” Sigh.
So do you have a clumsy story? A ‘how the hell did I do that?’ story? And Laurie (AKA: Grammar Geek!) I know you do! I’m calling you out! Share, everyone, share! Make me feel like less of an idiot!
May 11th, 2008 at 11:53 pm
You set your boobs on fire?
I dont think I’m all that clumsy. Most of my “incidents” occur when I’m running from a bug. I’ve actually ran into the street trying to get away from a bug.
May 12th, 2008 at 2:51 am
They didn’t go up in flames, the match just bounced from one spot to the next and flare, and then I smooshed it out.
Did you get hit by a car? Hee hee.
May 12th, 2008 at 7:01 am
I had a flashback to that scene in Mrs. Doubtfire where Robin Williams set his fake boobs on fire. Glad you weren’t hurt worse, Shelli!
I’m afraid I have nothing to compare to that, although I have managed to smash my finger in the car door and the kitchen drawer.
May 12th, 2008 at 7:11 am
I walked into a telephone pole once. This lovely redhead was walking by me and I ended up looking at her rather than where I was going.
She was worth it.
Glad you’re OK, Shelli.
May 12th, 2008 at 7:58 am
I’m so glad you weren’t hurt worse! Eeeeeeee!
We moved into a new apartment once and there was this hanging light fixture in the dining room that was at eye level. My husband took one look at it and said, “You’re going to bash your head on that. I’ll wire it up much higher.” In the interim, he put the dining room table under it.
We moved a few boxes. I sat down at the table. The doorbell rang. I stood up, bashed the top of my head on the damn light, and knocked myself out.
May 12th, 2008 at 10:01 am
Shelli, I am so glad you are okay.
I am the most accident prone of all my friends and family. I bear scars on my knees from Halloween 3 years ago when I fell in my friend’s backyard. There was a 4 inch drop from the patio around the pool to the main patio. I ended up the skinned knees. So bad that at the doctor’s office 3 months later. He said. “Good God, what did you do to your knees.”
Last year after a bachelorette party where I was the sober one. I was walking back to my car and stumbled on the sidewalk where it lowered for a wheelchair access. Broke my foot. Six weeks in a walking boot and brace.
When I was a teenager, I was putting away a knife sharpening stone that my brother had left in the living room. I slid it on to his dresser. It fell off landing on my foot. When I jerked my foot away, I knocked my other foot out from under me and hit my face on his dresser. It looked like someone had beat the crap out of me.
I am not even going to count the numerous bike accidents, falling off a motorcycle, or down a flight of stairs. But I have never set my boobs on fire.
May 12th, 2008 at 11:06 am
I fell. No seriously, I was walking and like tripped over my own feet or something equally dumb and fell. I SPRAINED my KNEE! OMG! WTF!
May 12th, 2008 at 11:21 am
I’m a big klutz - I’m always hurting myself. Of course I can’t think of any one specific moment. The scary thing is I’ll end up with bruises and I think, “Wait, how did I do that again?” I hurt myself so much I CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER HOW I DID IT.
Shell I can’t believe you burned your boobs. I hope they’re okay. I hope they don’t scar.
May 12th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Ah, yes! Karen busted out the boob pic :)
Okay, Lia, you ARE accident prone! And some of those sound exactly like me.
Natasha, the car door finger sounds so painful! I’ve never done that. Though I’ve bashed my heaad ON the car door frame.
Rob, see at least you had motivation :)
Amie, I’ve so done that. I’ll be standing and my ankles will just give out.
Karen, that’s always the weirdest, when you get bruises and you don’t know where they came from.
May 12th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Welcome to The Klutz Club - nice to know I am not it’s only member
Thirty years later and I still have ‘devils horns’ to show where I took off the fringe at the front 
Back when I was a teenager and smoking, I managed to light a cigarette and my hair!!
May 12th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
I’m pretty bad, too. I fall all the damn time. Like, all the time. I’m always tripping and falling. I am consistently covered in bruises. Always. I feel your pain. Literally.
May 12th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Ilona! Oh wow now that’s scary. Hair on fire?!
Feisty, rock on with your accident prone self!
May 12th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Sorry about your boobs
I have a really embarrassing clutzy thing. During nursing school, I had an interview. Mind you, I’m normally in scrubs and tennis shoes or my Dansko’s. So, I’m in a dress and heels and as the interview wraps up, I am shaking the woman’s hand and backing up and low and behold, my heels sticks onto a strand of the carpet and I totally fall, right on my ass, in the woman’s office and hit my head on the goddamned door. I have NEVER been so horrified in my whole life
Oh, and it resulted in a sprained ankle too
Pretty bad, eh?
When I was a kid, I broke my wrist, my thumb, my arm twice, my big toe and about fractured my skull - all in a year, all having to do with horses, my Mom was freaked out that CPS was going to haul me away! She wouldn’t let me ride the broncos in the rodeo. I still can’t figure that one out.
May 12th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Oh, and at least you have boobs to start on fire. You could have none, like me!
May 12th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Jammie! OMG! LOL. Well at least it resulted in a serious injury, because then they know it’s just a big accident and not clustsyness! And you have boobs!!!
May 12th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
May 12th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
Heh, I’ve been called out, eh? Yes, I would be the girl who cut her thumb open on salsa. No, not a jar of salsa, on the actual salsa.
I also have a scar on my knee from falling while teaching my 4-yr-old sister how to go up a down escalator, and my whole body is covered in bruises and scars from random walk into/trip over things, which I do on a pretty often basis.
May 12th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
I’m still trying to comprehend how someone can cut their hand on salsa! Cereally!
Leigh, I had something similar to that with a beer bottle, only it was my guy roommate doing that ‘i’ll smash my bottle onto your bottle and all the head will come out’ bit. And he bounced his bottle right back into my head. I blacked our for like 30 seconds.
May 13th, 2008 at 9:41 am
hmm, I haven’t set my boobs on fire. You set the bar pretty high there.
I did however manage to get trampled by the horse I was riding and driven over by the motorcycle i was riding. Not at the same time.
I was riding bareback across the fields with my cousin. We switched horses and hers was much taller than mine. I clung to the horses main but bounced all the way up its next, then slid under the horse clinging to its chest until I finally dropped to the ground beneath it. Dumb Dumb DUMB!!!
May 13th, 2008 at 9:42 am
hmm, I haven’t set my boobs on fire. You set the bar pretty high there.
I did however manage to get trampled by the horse I was riding and driven over by the motorcycle i was riding. Not at the same time.
I was riding bareback across the fields with my cousin. We switched horses and hers was much taller than mine. I clung to the horses main but bounced all the way up its neck, then slid under the horse clinging to its chest until I finally dropped to the ground beneath it. Dumb Dumb DUMB!!!
May 16th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Ah Shell…setting the boobs on fire huh?! Been there sort of..I managed to burn the top of my left boob when I was straightening my hair which was past my boobs at the time. It hurt like a son of a b**** and it was a nice day so I was wearing a tank top and had to explain the burn mark I don’t know how many times! A few people were like
and I was like what can you do?!
Oh, and I managed to sprain my ankle while walking the Vegas Strip…it was New Years Eve and I was plastered mind you. It didn’t even faze me…I just kept walkin and made sure I didn’t spill my drink! LMAO! Guess its a good thing I have bad ankles from years of soccer…I iced that baby when I got back to my hotel room and was good to go the next day! LOL!