The title of this blog is to be sung to The Doors song: Light My Fire

♪♪♪♪♪
Come on set my boobs on fire
♪♪♪♪

Okay, it’s never been a big secret with me. I sure won’t deny it. But I’m a bit, how should I put this, clumsy? Accident prone? Actually, in choir in high school, I was voted ‘most accident prone’.

I spilled my virgin daiquiri all over the table of a really nice restaurant at my prom dinner. I tripped on a walking tour right after the guide told me to watch my step. I sat down in a wading pool with my cell phone in my pocket, and didn’t realize it until my butt started to vibrate non-stop.

But I think my biggest ‘How the hell did I do that!’ moment came on Saturday. I was cleaning my room after 24 hours of taking care of a kid sick with the stomach flu, and decided a candle might help knock out the scent of Eau de Puke. I grabbed my pomegranate candle and my book of matches (these are those wood stick ones, not the papery ones).

Anyway, I strike the match, watch it flare, and then suddenly it’s gone. But where did it go? And then I saw it, the flash of flame. I look down and there between my breasts, in my bra, is the top half of the match. On instinct I just slapped at it with my shirt and put out the flame (this all happened in about 5 seconds).

I run to the bathroom (too much in shock to feel any pain) and check to see if I have burn marks. And that’s when I realize (literally like almost a minute later) the match is still in my bra, so I fish it out. Checking out the damage I realize I have two red marks, and part of my skin was black and burned away (am I making you sick yet?) like when you burn the edge of paper. Today it’s just pink and yellow gooey. (Ha bet that made you gag a bit).

That’s when I just shake my head and mutter, “Only me.” Sigh.

So do you have a clumsy story? A ‘how the hell did I do that?’ story? And Laurie (AKA: Grammar Geek!) I know you do! I’m calling you out! Share, everyone, share! Make me feel like less of an idiot!