Mother’s day sucks.
There I said it. I hate Mother’s Day. And it’s not just because my mom died of a brain tumor when I was seventeen, leaving me bereft and nostalgic every second Sunday in May. The thing is, that now that I’m a mother myself, have been one for, oh, three years now, I find the holiday a pain in the ass.
See, if one were to say, send me to the Ritz in my hometown of Half Moon Bay, complete with a round of spa treatments, bottomless Cosmopolitans and all the pasta I could consume, I’d be in heaven. However, that is not likely to happen. Instead I’m obligated to attend various functions for three days straight. Normally I like this sort of thing, but I have a book due in a few weeks, and any time I spend away from my computer right now is a certain kind of torture.
On Friday I’m obligated to attend my child’s school, joining one hundred other women as we sit on itsy-bitsy chairs while our preschoolers feed us spaghetti and meatballs that the little munchkins have made themselves. With their very own hands. Their little three-year old, nose-picking, dirt-grubbing, saliva-covered hands. Okay, it’s sweet. It really is. However, I’m on a deadline and any venture I make out of the house is time away from writing, which is bad. And, you see, if I go to my kid’s school, it means I have to do tedious things like shower, put on make-up and get dressed in something that won’t embarrass my rather prim three-year old. It’s a hassle. It takes time. I’d rather be writing.
On Saturday a bunch of my insane girlfriends have arranged a fun day of working out, bikini waxing and lunch. Lunch I can do. But who works out to celebrate many hours of pushing a child out of one’s velvet love canal? Working out is torture. Labor is torture. Ergo, maybe it’s better to celebrate the bloody event by, I don’t know, not exercising?
Lunch is good, but it also requires getting dressed and showering and you know, the whole routine. Torture. Why can’t they go out at night, to a bar? As God intended?
Sunday is Mother’s Day! I know I’ll wake up to my kid jumping on me at some ungodly hour, ordering me to fix him breakfast. I’ll get up only to remember that my own mother is dead and I can’t call her to wish her Happy Day. Instead I’ll spend the morning going about my usual chores and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Last year on Mother’s Day I had the bright idea of inviting twenty of my closest friends over with all of their children for a barbeque. That was fun! I spent the entire day cooking and cleaning and watching twelve children destroy my house. Good times. This year, on the actual day, I’m going to a friend’s for lunch, which should be fun except, in an attempt to lose a few pounds, I’m off food. And alcohol. So, come Sunday, I’ll be hungry and sober. And not writing.
So there you go. I’m a horrible person because I hate Mother’s Day. We need a bah humbug for this holiday. Any suggestions?
May 8th, 2008 at 12:40 am
rasta
Drink. A lot.
May 8th, 2008 at 12:42 am
Okay since the rasta guy doesn’t work for me.
My advice? Drink. A lot.
May 8th, 2008 at 12:44 am
The holiday is bogus for me cos my husband usually works and my younger kids don’t get it. Well maybe the 5 year old will get it this year. But it will be just another day.
Though I did get a nice pot w/ marigolds in it from my daughter today. With her painted handprints all over the pot. Still wet. So I had purple hands when I set it outside. LOL
May 8th, 2008 at 1:19 am
Feisty, you are too cool. I can see why Mother’s Day would be tough for you.
But wow, I think you’re LUCKY your kid does a spaghetti feed! My kid will probably just pick her nose and hand me the goods. And you get a day to spend with friends! I’m so jealous! For me it’ll be like… mom, cook me a waffle with peanut butter and don’t turn it to your show, I’m watching Curious George!
But I do understand the diet and deadline thing. Tell the kid on Sunday you want the day to yourself to work on your book. Maybe? No?
(Dana I tried to fix your rasta and screwed it up more. I suck)
May 8th, 2008 at 2:34 am
Hugs Feist. You aren’t a horrible person at all.
At least you acknowledge the day. I act like it no longer happens.
May 8th, 2008 at 6:27 am
Next year, lets take off for a mother’s WEEK in Negril. You can write under a coconut tree on the beach, if you wanna.
May 8th, 2008 at 8:08 am
I find I forget it more times than not. Today I am heading to school where I get to indulge in TWO strawberry shortcakes in two classrooms. Then the boys get to go home with me. At least I get a half day off out of this!
The day is not a big deal to me, and I am sort of sour on it because my mother makes a huge deal about my sister and I forgetting. Here’s a plant, I’ll catch up with you on your birthday. Holidays in general have little meaning for me. Bah humbug I guess. Actually this year I am taking my grandmother to the symphony on MD, it was her birthday present from last month!
Feisty, good luck meeting deadline and drop those hints that the perfect mothers day would be quiet alone time!
May 8th, 2008 at 8:18 am
“I’m off food. And alcohol.”
By Sunday, I wouldn’t be anymore. I’d be drunk and gorged!
It isn’t Mother’s Day in Ireland. It’s a normal wake up your mother by jumping on the bed and demanding breakfast OR climb in beside her and put your icy cold 6 yo feet right on the small of her back.
Not a fan myself to be honest.
May 8th, 2008 at 8:35 am
Well…i’d say drink as well but not really an option.
But, to cheer you up, i bought i Love Lacy and read it today, it is tres awesome! you rock Feisty! Don’t worry about mother’s day. just put your kid in front of the tv and yourself on the computer…no one will notice if you don’t turn up to school lol
May 8th, 2008 at 8:36 am
Every year for the past ten years, my husband and I have had the following conversation:
Him~ “What do you want for Mother’s Day?”
Me~ “Twenty-four hours of perfect solitude. I’ll settle for twelve in a pinch.”
Him~ “Not an option. Try again.”
Me~ *martyred sigh* “Earrings and a card, honey.”
Him~ “You have no imagination.”
Me~ *bites tongue till it bleeds*
It’s become such a dependable ritual that I think I’d be devastated if he actually came through with the solitude.
Okay, maybe not.
May 8th, 2008 at 8:38 am
“I have to do tedious things like shower, put on make-up and get dressed in something that won’t embarrass my rather prim three-year old. It’s a hassle. It takes time. I’d rather be writing.”
OMG, someone who understands me!!!
I’ve tried to explain to my hubby why an hour trip out to run errands will kill my entire afternoon, but he doesn’t get it.
And as far as eating goes–unless you can eat 5000 calories in one day, you’d be safe to take the day off the diet. You won’t gain a pound (except for maybe water). Eat. Drink. At least let yourself have that.
Hugs on the other part. I don’t speak to my mother. She disowned me after I graduated from high school, and the woman who I considered my mother (an angel, I swear) died years ago. My father died (leukemia) when I was 19. Father’s Day sucks too.
May 8th, 2008 at 9:08 am
I am with ya Feisty. I am not close to my mother and tend to not send cards. The one grandmother I would want to send a card to can’t read it anymore and the other one is such a beyotch I don’t bother. My mother in law is sweet but I tend to forget until the last minute and then why bother, lol. The only thing I have ever gotten for mothers day from my kids are those sweet school made gifts, because my husband can’t be bothered with such a worthless holiday. And to top it all off I am working the entire weekend anyway. So to Mother’s day this is what I say :
LMAO
May 8th, 2008 at 10:21 am
>>However, I’m on a deadline and any venture I make out of the house is time away from writing, which is bad.
And makes you want to scream and hurl obscenities at the Writing Gods for torturing you.
Mom died about six years ago. Maybe seven. It’s all kinda a blur. I’m not close to my step-mom and like you I’m under deadline, so it’s a Sunday morning movie (Iron Man which is MY choice LOL ) (hopefully with no fighting because if they fight I might cry) and then writing all afternoon because, Sweet Baby Jesus and his mother, the best present I can give myself is to finish this fracking book ASAP!
May 8th, 2008 at 11:23 am
Aw, Emma. Hugs to you!
Alessia, see you tomorrow! :)
RF, maybe I should hope on a plane to Ireland. I do like it there!
Ayla! I love you!
Sela! Yes! Solitude!
May 8th, 2008 at 11:25 am
Tawny, isn’t it funny how a simple trip basically kills the entire day?? I hate that!! Yeah, And don’t even get me started on Father’s Day. My dad died, too, and we didn’t talk when he died. It’s just another annoying holiday!
Christina! LOL!
Amie. Word.
May 8th, 2008 at 11:40 am
“I have to do tedious things like shower, put on make-up and get dressed in something that won’t embarrass my rather prim three-year old. It’s a hassle. It takes time. I’d rather be writing.”
Even my UPS man is used to the writing me now.
Mothers day is an emotionally manipulated hell hole of obligation and feigned appreciation.
May 8th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Eva. Can I lick you?
May 8th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
I always get a card. I”m becomin of mind that all holidays suck. I can never do something cool for my mom. She’s hard to please in that don’t spend money on me sorta way. I’d personally love to be pampered for once. HA! LIke that’ll happen! Since my dad died, Father’s day sucks too, so for poor DH I don’t remember it. Can’t we just cancel holidays and appreciate loved ones every day?
May 8th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Seriously I agree with Eva. It is a holiday of manipulation. But then aren’t all? Valentine’s day? Mother’s day? Do-your-secretary’s day.
May 8th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
As I’m seriously considering resigning as a mother this year I’m hoping the day will pass by in a low key way-as long as I don’t have to cook, get breakfast in bed and do what I want all day (which will be finish the book) I’ll be happy
Hugs Feist!
May 8th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Wow-you hit a sore spot-lol!
I hate Mother’s day, too. My Mom died about 8 years ago. For two years I spent it with my Grandma, who I adored, then she was gone, too. I ignored it for a few years. But then I realized that my step-Mom, who has been a part of the family for 17 years and has been so good to me, deserved some recognition. The first time I took her to lunch and got her a card she cried. It was really sweet. But I still hate doing it. It’s always a reminder that my Mom is gone.
And yeah-I’m on deadline, too-trying to write the last 40K and edit and polish the book to perfection in 4 weeks. And because my Dad had surgery recently, I’m over there all the time, anyway. And because Dad is not well enough yet to deal with the whole restaurant hassle, I’ll be going over there to cook a lovely meal. And because my brother is coming to visit for the weekend (the picky vegetarian who doesn’t like most vegetables) I get to make 2 main courses. Oh joy!
Do I sound bitter? And how much more bitter would I be if I had kids of my own?
May 8th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
i literally had my kid on mother’s day so……yes i have flashbacks. i buy myself a six pack of Harp every year.
May 9th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
I think Cinde’s got the right idea.
Man are we a cynical bunch or hwat?
May 10th, 2008 at 10:35 am
Well hell Mother’s Day–my b-day was a week and a half ago and the dh did diddley squat–I expect much the same for tomorrow as we’re supposed to go to HIS mother’s … know what I did–made other plans ..f’em, my ideal mother’s day isn’t spending it w/ his gd mom… damn, last night’s maragaritas are wearing off…..
May 10th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Tell everyone you’re English and you already did it. Our Mother’s day was in March
May 10th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Actually, the fact that you said “velvet love canal” is making me feel quite festive. No bah-humbugs for me. Sorry!