‘These colors don’t run’ But I should’ve!
So I’m a big fan of Gemma Halliday, especially since she’s so fabulous with the getting out and dating bit. And she always has the funniest stories about the men she meets. And I would think…how come she gets all the crazy guys and ends up with these fabulous stories??? Well, this weekend I think I realized there’s a lot more freaks in the pond than I realized. My little post isn’t quite as funny as hers, and it might even offend you (hell, I’m STILL offended!).
Here’s the set up. I have a friend visiting town and it’s a Friday night. We meet up with two more of my friends for a girls night out. Girls night meaning drinks and dinner at Applebee’s. But we did decide to sit in the bar. Cause we’re wild like that. Anyway, there was a bit of a commotion from a table of guys next to us when we sat down. And before we could even order, things were getting frisky. Well, one–an older mid-thirties guy–stared at us with kind of narrowed and appraising eyes. I thought he was a bit sexy and the quiet type. But another guy made it known he was after me in particular…
He was cute…red hair, fair in complexion, a butt load of tattoos. He was from Texas. How do I know this? Because he kept saying…I’m from Texas. These colors don’t run. I’m thinking, oh okay. He’s proud of being a Texan. All right. He yells out, “What’s your name.” And only wanted to know my name, not my friends. And kept talking about how hot I was. What a great smile I had. He offered to buy me a drink. I was stunned. Flattered. Terrified. But I thought of Gemma and how she can do this flirting thing, and so I’d try too. After prodding from my friends and his, I accepted the drink…and that’s when it went downhill.
First he yells out loudly, “To Shelli!” as we toast. Then once we pound the shot, he tells me to pull my shirt down a little lower and show him some cleavage. Hmm. Maybe the shot wasn’t a good idea. When his friend (the one cool guy) comes over to talk to my friend and he yells, “Don’t touch Shelli. You stay away from her, she’s mine.” Yikes, really? Okay, I write alpha males and yes they’re fun to fantasize about, but this was overkill. And I managed to muster up a nervous, “Wow, you’re awfully aggressive.” Which only seemed to encourage him more.
When my friends tease him about whether Everything was really bigger in Texas. I got a reply of, “I ain’t saying it’s bigger, but it’s like a soup can around. Honey, I’ll put in extra work with you.” By now I’m blinking in dismay. I shouldn’t have been shocked when he said, “I’ll eat your p*ssy until your grandmother’s face caves in.” (Yes, he REALLY said that) And that’s when my friends and I just started laughing at him.
He starts to get mad then. He comes around to talk to us, trying to get a little touchy feel with me. And here’s where I realize how slow I am (k, the rum and diet coke didn’t help) and how on the ball my friend Emma is. She asks to see his tattoos. Hmm. I’m glancing on with mild curiosity. Yuck. Just a bunch of skulls and clovers. Like everywhere. She starts calling him out on the meaning of his clovers. What? Clovers have a meaning beyond, like, Happy Irish Leprechauns? And he’s starting to get mad. Then he rolls up his sleeve and I saw it. 
I may not have known the meaning of the other stuff, but I sure as hell knew what a swastika was.
I don’t know why I didn’t see it (yes, I’ve admitted to being naive) he kept talking about how his Texas colors don’t run. Got REALLY pissy when we asked if he was voting for Obama. Didn’t want to acknowledge anyone at the table but me. I’m just not sure what he was thinking. Hitting on the one white girl at a table full of African American/mixed women. Doesn’t seem like the smartest thing to do. And he didn’t even know what he was talking about. Emma pointed out the inconsistencies with his tattoos and really chapped his hide when she told him it it’s sad when a black woman knows more about white pride than a wannabe soldier.
My friend also pointed out it was great that he could put aside his beliefs long enough to want to 
a girl with Jewish/Native American roots. And I bit back the urge to tell him about my interracial erotic novels. In any case, the three guys took off a few minutes later. I, having had my bubble of naiveness shattered, was angry as all heck. 
But my friends just told me to look at the bright side…at least I got hit on and got a free drink.
Hmm. Not quite sure I saw it that way, and I pretty much told the boys to… 
. But the one upside, like Gemma, I now had a ’somewhat dating story’ for my blog. Though I know I’d much much much have preferred some kind of pirate. 
Even if this guy would have you know what til my Grandmother’s face caved in…. 
May 5th, 2008 at 2:34 am
His friend was hot. Way hot.
Like I told your admirer. He has the right to believe in whatever he wants to believe in. And why shouldn’t he be proud of who and what he is?
But really, if you’re going to believe in something so strongly you’ll tattoo it on your body, shouldnt it be correct?
Maybe after visiting the websites I directed him to he’ll know it’s 14 88 not 13 88.
Le sigh. Either way I had a blast!
May 5th, 2008 at 2:43 am
It was definitely a lot of fun to get out!! I had so much fun. I almost put up a pic of us all, but you never know when these crazy freaks are going to hunt you down. I half expected them to come back into the restaurant wanting to brawl.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:45 am
Hehe Shell. Nah. Don’t you know wolves travel in packs.
May 5th, 2008 at 6:54 am
Aw, you mean the poor guy has typos permanently inked on his body?
Wow, Shelli, so glad you had all your girls with you. And let us know when you put this in a book.
May 5th, 2008 at 9:23 am
On behalf of my gender, I apologize.
I don’t regard guys like him as alphas. I regard them as overcompensating for very weak egos and very small dicks.
What a maroon.
May 5th, 2008 at 10:07 am
>“I’ll eat your p*ssy until your grandmother’s face caves in.”
Ok Now I have to go back and read the rest!
May 5th, 2008 at 10:10 am
>>Hitting on the one white girl at a table full of African American/mixed women. Doesn’t seem like the smartest thing to do.
Please God let him NOT come back to Texas. I hear Wyoming has nice cliffs he can drive off of.
May 5th, 2008 at 10:11 am
>>typos permanently inked
Ok what do the clovers mean? I’m too lazy to Google
May 5th, 2008 at 10:46 am
////I don’t regard guys like him as alphas. I regard them as overcompensating for very weak egos and very small dicks.////
Amen. Couldn’t have said it better.
Agree this is NOT alpha behavior. Alphas have one very common trait, and that is that along with wanting to control what’s around them, but it starts with self-control. I’m just really glad all’s well that ended well…
Sam
May 5th, 2008 at 11:12 am
I hate dumbasses.
Kay, I need to be filled on on the meaning of clovers…. PLease?
May 5th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Yeah me too on the clovers bit. I feel kinda dumb.
Okay that grandmother remark is like whoa. I don’t want to think of my grandma and pu**y eating at the same time. Eww.
He sounds like a grade A ass! Poor Shell. But yes it makes for a great story.
May 5th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Natasha, it was pretty crazy. I don’t know if I could put it in a book! It’s too damn offensive. I’d have to figure out a way to make it funny. If that’s possible! LOL.
Rob, you’re right, he wasn’t alpha. Just an asshole. Overly aggressive and racist.
Amie, I know, we were trying to figure out what the face caving in thing meant. And he still lives in Texas. They were all out here on work for the week.
Sam, yeah we were lucky nothing got too heated. He ended the night by saying, “I’m really pissed off right now. But I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at your black friends.” I was like…yeah it’s time for you to go.
Feisty and all, when Emma wakes up I’ll have her explain the clovers!
May 5th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Whoa. Just Whoa. I’d be totally freaked out if anything like that happened to me. You have more guts than I do. Bravo to you and your lady pals.
Oh and yay for your interesting dating post!
May 5th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Let’s all just hope he doesn’t breed.*shudder*
May 5th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
Kelsey, it was a real shock for me. I think I’m sheltered. We don’t see that kind of stuff up in Seattle usually. Or I sure haven’t, and neither had my other friend who’s in the area. We were like
Dana, he already has. He has one or two kids, I can’t remember. Sigh. And the ‘boss’ guy who just started at us stoically was married but asked what that had to do with anything. He was on the prowl too. Sigh.
May 5th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Well, sure looks like Emma made his colors run.
May 5th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Le sigh. I’d like to preface by saying what I’m about to say is common knowledge and I don’t have a habit of talking anyone’s business. I don’t know anyone’s business.
Some prisoners who are affiliated with certain organizations may have a three leaf shamrock/clover tattoos with certain letters. He had such a tattoo but it didn’t look like a prison tattoo. That’s how the subject came up. I was like, uh are you supposed to have that?
Just remember not everyone with a shamrock tattoos are affiliated. It’s the other tattoos that come along with the shamrock that’s telling.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
wow. that’s all I can say.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
I am so proud of your for trying the flirty-flirty thing! K, maybe next time not so much with psycho… but at least Emma had your back. She’s good like that. Saved me from a creep in a tranny bar once. ;)
I wish you lived closer, Shelli, we could horror-double-date together.
I’ve got a new one lined up this week. I’m breaking my number one dating rule - don’t date married guys. He’s married. But… (wait for it)… his wife is in a coma. Seriously. I could not make this shit up.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
OMG! GEMMA!!!!
See once again you take the cake.
I wish I lived closer too! You’re way too cool!
May 5th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
This why I don’t kill my husband, because I might have to date if he were gone.
This guy is why people from other parts of the country think that all southerners are inbred, reckneck, hicks.
Sorry, he turned out to be such an asshole. At least you got a free drink out of it.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
May 5th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Wow shelli
Men are really shit when they want to be aren’t they?
I’m glad you made it out in one piece, yikes!
Gemma- You have to post about that date! LOL I can’t wait to hear about it.
May 5th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
I really want to know how one dates a man with a wife in a Coma.
That would not go over well if a contestant on Rock of Love had a husband in a coma.
I’m just sayin’.
May 5th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
In a coma???
Shades of “Desperate Housewives” — they used that as a plot device last season.
Chloe
May 5th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
See, it all depends on if there’s a chance she’s going to wake up from the coma (like Mike on DH). Oh yeah, and how hot he is. I can deal with a coma wife if he’s hot enough.
Feisty, I love that all life relates back to Rock of Love. I miss that show. Are there any other aging hair metal guys we can pair off?
May 5th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Eeeeuuuuwwww. Just puked a little. What a fucker. Excuse my language. I simply have no tolerance for such narrow minds. Who in the hell tatoos a freakin’ swastika on his arm? Just asking to get the shit beat of him, rightly so. Someone said something to the effect that we are all entitled to our own beliefs, yes that is true. But MY opinion is that he sounds like a total racist pig.
May 5th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
Gemma Halliday wrote, “I’m breaking my number one dating rule - don’t date married guys. He’s married. But… (wait for it)… his wife is in a coma.”
That is a new one. Life is indeed stranger than fiction.
I was going to fill in all the stuff I learned about comas while researching for a story. But I decided against it.
Here’s hoping it goes well, Gemma.
Me? I’ve taken myself off the market for a while.
May 5th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
Hehe Gemma! I’ll always save you from creeps in tranny bars.
May 5th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Alright its my turn to weigh in on the situation since I was one of the ladies who was there Friday night…it was definately an experience to be a part of of. He was a trip especially when he singled out Shelli and kept screaming about grandma’s face. Once he said it, I was like
!!!
Honestly, I missed most of the the scenerio because I was flirting with the cute guy that was with them…who happened to be mexican. LOL.
It was a night to remember…Emma, you are the best the hang out with and its been a blast hanging out with you. Shelli, as always I have a blast with you!! Ladies, don’t forget grandma droppin it like it was like it was hot at the casino!!
May 5th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroflmao!
Danielle! Seriously! Seriously! Watching a 74 year old woman dancing like she spent the first 40 years of her life on a pole was way more traumatizing than the conversation we had with the nazzy.
I had a blast with you too chica! You’re my new bff! Hugs! I’ll see you in October.
May 5th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Lia, OMG you crack me up. Having to date IS the worst!
Jackie and Mel, yup. Wow is right and he did run.
Devon, that’s why we were cracking up. It was at a Applebee’s.
Maria, when they’re bad, they’re real bad.
Jammie, that was my reaction exactly. When I saw it I stopped even being amused and just got angry. Really angry.
Danielle, that gramma had it going on though. I was pretty impressed. I wasn’t watching her too closely though. I was just trying to forget Mr. Pride.
May 5th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
LMAO @ Mr. Pride. At least you didnt see her giving her companion a lapdance.
May 5th, 2008 at 11:29 pm
Emma and Shelli…all I can say is
Gramma was my idol…if she can still get down and work like she’s still on the pole at her age, then I’ve got hope for my future! LOL! Just remind not to look to my right next time so I’m not seein Gramma give a lap dance or much worse like possibly this
Both of you are my new BFF’s…love ya both!!!
May 6th, 2008 at 11:20 am
>>But… (wait for it)… his wife is in a coma. Seriously. I could not make this shit up.
OMG methinks Gemma needs to come guest blog about that date.
I think I’ll just stick to NOT dating and live vicariously through ya’ll.
May 6th, 2008 at 11:21 am
Oh and BTW Susan Kay Law has a book out with a heroine who’s hubby is in a coma…. Just sayin’
May 6th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Danieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelle! Call me bff! You have the number.
Waaaah! I’m gonna miss you guys.