Without this ring, I thee flirt
So as I mentioned on my personal blog, Friday was my birthday. It gave me the opportunity (twice in one month!) to go out and be social in a bar/night life type setting. Me and a couple other single friends went to a fabulous small brewery. Wonderful food and wonderful beer. For the most part I had a great time–visit my blog for the scoop–but there was one thing that really chapped my hide.
At one point a group of overly flirty (drunk) younger guys decided to join up at our table. The bar was crowded, we had room, and there were customers waiting for a table. So the boys started to invade. The table behind us, a couple of guys in their mid-late 30’s (who’d been flirting with us) asked us if we wanted to join them. I had checked earlier for wedding rings, other women, and there were none. And since I was just buzzed enough, I smiled and said sure. And so did one of the girls I was with (the other chick lingered with the young guys).
The two men we’d joined up with were talking and flirting mildly, and then it happens. About fifteen minutes into joining them one starts to talk about his kid. I’m thinking…hmm, divorced. Then he starts talking about the kids mom, and I’m thinking…hmm, so they’re on good terms. Then he drops the W word. Wife. And my friend and I are like 
Turns out both are married and just happened to not be wearing rings. And apparently that also makes it okay to invite obviously single women to their table and flirt mildly. At this point I’m a wee bit peeved. My friend and I ditch them soon after and go back to the younger (and cuter) drunken boys and my friend.
So here’s my question. If you’re married, are you okay with your wife/hubby not wearing a ring? Maybe some people are. Actually, I know some are. One of my friend’s doesn’t wear hers because she gained weight right after the wedding and won’t get it resized, just insists on losing the weight first. It’s been years.
Personally, I think not wearing a ring just breeds trouble. In the land of Singledom, it’s how we people judge on who may or may not be available. No ring is a green light (but even then, we’re still wary that there’s a gfriend/bfriend on the side).
So what are your thoughts? If you’re married, is it okay to skip the ring every now and then? Ever? All the time?
Here’s a pic (actually taken by Mr. Ringless when he volunteered)
March 24th, 2008 at 12:45 am
I wear my ring but my husband doesn’t. And the reason he doesn’t wear it is cos he flat out doesn’t wear jewelry. I really feel like I wasted my cash on a ring that just sits in a box. Oh well.
That guy is a jackass, sitting around w/ hot single chicks and flirting when the wife and kids are at home.
March 24th, 2008 at 2:53 am
I’m not getting into this discussion because I have very strong views on it. Unless your job could be dangerous with a ring on then it shouldn’t be off your finger. People seem tothink it’s about ownership but it’s not, it’s about commitment.
Damn! I said I wasn’t gonna say anything.
March 24th, 2008 at 4:20 am
Is the ring really the issue? I don’t care if hubby has a ring through his darn NOSE, he’d better not be flirting with hot chicks like you guys and inviting them over… ya feel me? By the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHICKIE!
March 24th, 2008 at 6:37 am
Moira, that was my thought too. My hubby DOES work at a job where it would be dangerous to wear rings, so unless he’s on vacation, he doesn’t wear it. I’m OK with that because he also doesn’t go out with other guys, flirting with other women. I know, because if he goes out, I’m with him!
March 24th, 2008 at 8:56 am
Mine can’t wear his to work, either. He doesn’t wear it at home where he does a lot of outdoor dangerous-type stuff, too.
However, he does wear it if we go out or attend a function. We always go together.
BTW, what’s with the doofus trying to pick up women and then he talks about his wife and kids? A stupid cheat?
March 24th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Mine wears his ring unless he forgets it, which he sometimes does, and I don’t really care. I wear my wedding band which isn’t actually my wedding band but a different ring I wear in its place) and my engagement ring unless I’m travelling by myself, in which case, I leave off the diamond and just wear the the band.
Flirting? Meh. If my husband ever went out with friends and wanted to flirt, no big deal. Flirting is flirting. If he went home with someone, I’d have an issue. I’d have more of an issue if he went out and didn’t own to being married, ring or not, and tried to convince people he was single.
M
March 24th, 2008 at 9:59 am
Maybe talking about his wife/kids was his way of letting you know he was married, and maybe it’s okay to flirt when you’re married–you’re not DEAD after all but I’m just possessive enough that, if I was his wife, I’d be pissed.
Yes there are points you can’t wear your ring–my dad worked on diesel trucks so he didn’t or had to be super careful…but but but….I have very strong views on cheaters. And I won’t knowingly date a married man.
March 24th, 2008 at 11:07 am
That is a totally foreign concept to me. Cookie glares when I want to take off his ring so I can show someone the inscription.
Hmmph.
He had surgery a few years ago and we had to take it off, and his doctor thought he was crazy cause he made him promise I could come directly into the post op area and put it back on his finger as soon as he woke up. He was heavily drugged and he still lifted his left hand as soon as he saw me.
It just makes me love him more.
And I think those ringless flirts need to sleep in the yard for a few nights until they learn to appreciate what they have.
March 24th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
I’m okay with the not wearing the ring thing. I know my sister doesn’t wear hers because she’s constantly washing her hands. My bro in law doesn’t wear his either. I haven’t really paid attention to whether my married friends were theirs. I know one had hers on the other week when we went shopping but I don’t know if she normally wears it. *shrugs*
March 24th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
See this is just a bit shocking to me. Maybe I’m naive. But I have to repeat–single women look for no ring. No ring means we can flirt (I’m not that bold, usually, I promise). And if the woman is aggressive enough, that’s a lot of temptation.
And from the standpoint of a single woman, I don’t even want to go near a guy who’s married. I don’t want to spend half and hour flirting/getting to know a guy who is off limits. It’s just…icky.
March 24th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
My husband’s a chef and wearing a ring at work could mean losing a finger in a mixer or a blender or anything else. It could also mean losing his ring in somebody’s food. He’s big on safety (his and other peoples’) and has very high principles when it comes to meal prep that people are paying good money and valuable trust for, so he wears his wedding ring on a chain around his neck…and puts it back on his finger when he gets home.
Flirting, imo, is one thing. Flirting without a visible sign that it’s nothing BUT flirting is something else entirely. He’s not a flirt so I don’t worry about him - I am a flirt, so I make darn sure to flash my diamond around even as I’m smiling and laughing with the guys I and my (also married) girlfriends attract.
March 24th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Emily that is an excellent point. If flirting happens when one party is wearing a ring, then the other person kind of knows right away the deal. But if one person isn’t wearing a ring and flirts with someone who doesn’t know they’re married, then they’re playing by an entirely different set a rules. If I’m making any sense. LOL.
March 24th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Ok, so I have to weigh in since I’m the other friend in this story! LOL but seriously, as a single woman I look for ring vs no ring as an indicator of one’s status. I’m not the type of woman who goes after another’s partner so I like to check and see if there’s any jewelry and no ring means, whoo hoo Danielle can flirt(well, if she chooses to!)because she’s not messing with someone else’s husband and Shelli knows I have strong views about cheating!
Alright so I’ve put it my two cents but all I can say is…I had a great time in spite of the ringless wonder because we had the hot Scottish guys in the bathroom!
March 24th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Hi Dani! Oooh yeah the hot Scots. They stayed in my head all night long Friday. Hee hee.
March 24th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Shelli can we expect kilts in your next book?
March 24th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
I think it’s attitude more than rings. Some women (and men) actually don’t care, or even prefer it, because it eliminates taking it any further when they are just looking to get laid.
A person’s attitude and behavior generally can let you know right off if they are available, whether married or not.
I know the ring makes it easier to identify, but not always, lots of couples live together, or are in long term relationships and don’t have rings.
I spent some time as a bartender, so I may have somewhat jaded views because of things I’ve seen.
I’ve seen married guys act like freewheeling single teenagers, and I’ve seen women hit on men they know to be married. Bars are just tough environments, you have all of that going on plus the addition of alcohol, and it just gets messy!!
March 24th, 2008 at 11:03 pm
Am I the friend who doesn’t wear the ring??
I have been wearing it, by the way - it finally fits! Now it is almost too big. A lot of my fellow nurses don’t wear those either though because of the constant hand washing and the ring catching on things, including patients! Anyhow, I was just curious if you were referring to me. I think that if people deliberately remove their ring to give off the impression they are single, then they are dogs - women and men alike.
March 24th, 2008 at 11:15 pm
Oh, I just had to give my 2 cents on the comment about the ring as a symbol of commitment…I agree…to an extent. There are many symbols of commitment however and I know many scumbag men who wear their rings and certainly don’t care about the commitment that they signify. My commitment to my husband isn’t any less when I take of my ring. Though at times, I wish I could take of my ring and he would disappear!
March 24th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
Emily, a kilt book. Hmmm. The research could be fun!
Peggy, that’s so true with the long term relationship folks. It’s just so hard to figure out who’s available!
Jammie, it’s not you! LOL. You crack me up. And I do have to give props to the married folks. It can’t be easy all the time!
March 26th, 2008 at 9:58 am
I hardly ever where a ring. But, conversely, I would be pissed at Mike if he didn’t wear his when he was out. Because he’s in the military he can’t wear it to work but he better be wearing it everywhere else.
March 29th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Shelli,
I’m glad you had a good b-day celebration. Sorry you ran into the ringless wonder. I think maybe by putting his kids, then wife in the conversation he was letting you know it was just a flirt fest and nothing more.
My Mate has a ring he wears, but it’s too big and often slips off, so he sometimes leaves it on the night stand. I don’t worry (any more he’s not the flirting kind (as a rule), but I do know he’ll talk to anyone when he’s hangin’ out at the bar. There was a time, I have to admit, I did worry - but it was unfounded - just my insecurity.
Funny thing is, he’s usually talking about me. Crazy, I know, but true. I’ve met him at the local watering hole a time or three, after work, and folks I don’t know will tell me he’s been ‘talking very highly about you’ or something similar. Makes me blush, seriously, we’re nutz about each other.
I can only imagine what it must be like, to go out and play the games. I think it’s bad form to flirt when you’re already in a relationship, ring or no ring. I guess one of the things you can take away from the experience is the knowledge that even tho the guy was married, he still found you interesting.
Flip it to the positive side, you were worth flirting with, and that should make you feel good. You could look at it other ways, but why twist yourself up about it. Look for the pot of gold at the end the rainbow.
