So usually I love the Ellen show, but I’m going to say last week it kind of pissed me off. (Really, Ellen, what were you thinking bringing on such a crappy guest?) Now, I still don’t even really know who the guest witch was. Except she looked entirely plastic and hosts (I think?) some show about dating or marrying millionaires.

Anyway, at this rate you’re probably thinking (or maybe you already know exactly what I’m talking about) will Shelli get to the damn point already? Okay. Fine. Here goes. And again, I was only half listening, but basically she was talking to women who wanted to marry millionaires and said something along the lines of… If you have curly hair, straighten it. No man wants to run his hands through a brillo pad.

Well, first, I thought…

followed by a rapid…

You know, I used to hate my hair. I’ll never get to do the 100 strokes with the brush before bed (unless I want hair that strokes the ceiling). Never will I be able to rush into the salon screaming, “Give me the Rachel cut, and stat!” No…we curly haired chicks live a life of hair unlike you others. We are the queens of finger combing, we tend to fear hair dryers something awful, and we’re always on the quest for the perfect product to give us soft sexy curls with good hold.

And you know what? It took me seventeen years and one time straightening my hair to realize: so what. My hair’s not straight, and no amount of chemicals is going to make it look it otherwise. I now love my curls. They’re who I am. And I’ve never had a man tell me I should consider straightening it. Last I checked no man has lost a finger in my locks…err, wait…let me check…oh…maybe… nope, that’s a Little Smokie hanging out from the Super Bowl. When I think about it, some of the men I’ve dated think the curls are the hottest thing about me (which, I don’t get it, I think I’ve got a pretty nice rack for the time being).

So really, Ms. Millionaire matchmaker, I think curls are sexy. And I think some men do, too. But if you think having curly hair puts some of us in the shit end of the dating pool, then I’ll say it again. You and your curly-lock hatin’ rich bachelors can just…

I’ll take a man who likes it a little kinky any day.