Chicks who get off
So the other night I was at a party. Believe it or not, on occasion, I do get invited to parties in which Nice Girls are also in attendance.
So I was at a Nice Girl party when one of them started crying. Turns out her friend’s kid had found her vibrator in her closet and when the parent came to pick said kid up, the wee tyke was playing with Nice Girl’s Rabbit. Well, Nice Girl was mortified. Like, bawling, shaking, blubberingly embarrassed. I patted her back and I was like, “It’s okay. It’s just a vibrator. We all have one, right? Right?”
She just shook her head and said, “I can’t believe someone would think I would put that THING inside of me. I bought if for a JOKE!”
Sure ya did, sweetheart.
I just stared at Nice Girl. Like, seriously? I totally understand that most women are not overly excited to share the details of their sex lives. But is it really that bad to have someone discover you own a vibrator? Vibrators have been around forever and there’s a reason: they’re fun! Furthermore, why should a girl rely solely on a penis to get off? Sometimes a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. Even if she has to do herself.
Anyway, as a result of this experience, I was wondering what a Nice Girl would think if she discovered my Naughty Girl stash. Surely, I’d be condemmed to a life without getting off. Oh, the horror!
So because I’m such a Naughty sort of modern woman, I’ve decided to share my collection with the world. Behold! Feisty’s current collection of sex toys:
Now, come on dear reader and and tell us: Are you a Nice Girl or a Naughty Girl. What do you have hiding in your closet?
December 20th, 2007 at 1:25 am
OMG! LOL you have like safety goggles and a wine bottle there too!!!
My stash is sadly very very small. Really, just one item I use (so very rarely) and one that just needs to be chucked into the garbage can. I need a better sex life. Even if it’s just with myself.
December 20th, 2007 at 1:26 am
Shelli, you’re very observant. I’m impressed!
December 20th, 2007 at 1:29 am
I am not a nice girl but my collection is sadly small…just one item but boy does it get a lot of use…I’m jealous of your collection…*sigh* maybe one day. I don’t understand why women tend to be ashamed of their sexuality I embrace it…woohoo!!!!
December 20th, 2007 at 1:29 am
I missed the goggles but immediately saw the wine bottle. Such a feisty touch…
First of all, I need more vibrators. I have one and you know, it’s just not doing it for me. In fact, I should treat myself to a Christmas gift and go do a little online shopping. It’ll show up after the holiday but that’s ok. I’ll just have something to…really look forward to.
December 20th, 2007 at 1:31 am
Loribelle told me about the vibrating egg thingy. *Cough* No complaints here.
December 20th, 2007 at 1:36 am
I have to admit I’ve been building my collection for awhile. I’ve had that g-spotter for like ten years. I got two new early present from Santa today, though. I’ll keep you updated.
December 20th, 2007 at 2:55 am
ROFL, Lil!!! Gotta love a stash like that. The kids haven’t found my Rabbit yet, or any of the rest of my collection, which is small compared to yours but impressive for this neck of the woods.
Have you seen this Ikea commerical? (Sorry if the code doesn’t work.)
December 20th, 2007 at 3:06 am
Man, I’m so jealous! I first noted the goggles hehe, very cute! I currently own two, a normal rabbit like one, that’s broke (dude, it broke the day after I got it…just stopped thumping lol) and the other is a little pocket massage thing. It’s cute!
I have no problem talking about my toys, but I would so be red in the face if someone were to discover them…especially a little boy who shows his mommy!
My favorites lately are oils. Oh yeah, I’m so digging that tingling-warming one.
December 20th, 2007 at 3:57 am
I see Shelli has dragged me into this conversation lol. I have a stash that is sadly lacking in goggles. Goggles Feist?? I don’t even want to know why lol!
December 20th, 2007 at 4:06 am
Okay, I’m such a pathetically nice girl that I’ve only seen pictures of vibrators, never one in real life. I don’t even know what half the stuff in you stash is. I’ve got the horniest husband this side of the Mississippi, getting a vibrator would be overkill. Sometimes you just wanna sleep, ya know? Or am I the only person who’d rather sleep?
Jeez, there’s a reason I write sweet.
December 20th, 2007 at 8:32 am
Oh, God. This reminds me of a conversation I was having a work the other day. A couple of the girls have no sex life right now, except solo. A recent divorce and a husband deployed in Iraq put a damper on the sex life. Of course one of the girls got redfaced snd went to hide.
So the running joke of the day was that my night stand has an extra car battery and a can of gasoline for a 1.5 horsepower 2 stroke engine.
Now, I will admit that my egg is my favorite. The only drawback is that they tend to get a short in the wire. Let me tell you that is a bitch. I have gone through several.
Over the summer, we lived with my SIL and her BF for a couple months. I left my drawer open slightly and her ferret climbed in and took a nap. She quietly told me to give everything an extra wash before I used anything.
December 20th, 2007 at 9:02 am
Okay, you SO need to do reviews for my Toys For Tarts blog!
PLUG *snort* http://toys-for-tarts.blogspot.com
As for “the collection” … um … mine is extensive, but does not (yet) include safety goggles. The toy bag, it be heavy. The Hitachi stays under the bed, though, within easy reach.
December 20th, 2007 at 9:36 am
I’m so pathetic. I don’t have any toys. I think I’ll just go slink off into the night …
December 20th, 2007 at 9:49 am
I’m totally jealous of a stash like that. I have about 4 or 5 items in my little bag I believe. My new favorite thing though is the nipple clamp jewelry. Woohoo!
I have to admit though that those big powerful vibrators scare the crap out of me.
December 20th, 2007 at 10:04 am
I’m not going to ask about the goggles and I’m not going to even tell you where my mind went when I saw the wine bottle. Seriously. I may need to stop writing erotica because I think I passed the point of of perverted.
Sure ya did, sweetheart. LOL! I heart you Feisty!
And as for my own collection. Hmmm…it’s your basic everyday collection. My newest aquisition is the The Rock Chick and yes, it rocks.
December 20th, 2007 at 10:41 am
I never dreamed, til after I married a sicko, that sex toys would be of any use in a marriage. I mean, you have a person, right? Who knew the toys are more fun for two?
Anyway, I think this woman would have had a much more casual reaction if the thing really HAD been a joke. Plus why have it out of the package in your closet if it’s a gag? She probably needs something with more punch if she’s that uptight.
Say it loud, say it proud, ma sistah: the arsenal is my friend!
December 20th, 2007 at 11:28 am
When I was in college and worked for UPS, one of my co-workers was a very calm, prim and proper older lady. One night a box came open on an overhead conveyor and a gross of dildos rained down on our area. Amid the screaming and laughing and general horseplay, Barb calmly picked up one the size of a baby’s forearm and said, “Oh, this must be that new model they’re all talking about.”
Bwahahahaha!
Of the 144 that were in the box, they only recovered 131.
Lyra
December 20th, 2007 at 11:50 am
OMG Lyra that’s too funny!!
Loribelle, I had to give thanks where thanks is due!!
December 20th, 2007 at 12:13 pm
I heart you Feisty lol
December 20th, 2007 at 12:47 pm
I LOVE the bottle of wine and safety goggles!! LOL
I cant even imagine not having at least one! Ild prob discuss the merits of that particular one if one of my kids friends had that out when I picked them up!
December 20th, 2007 at 12:49 pm
The one in the middle looks like a kitchen gadget and the glass one looks pretty enough for my hutch.
I have a few–but I as I said yesterday, I’ve a feeling I’m getting more next week. I don’t like the rabbit. But it’s pretty.
December 20th, 2007 at 12:50 pm
Okay, here’s another one! This is a video I took last year when we were moving. A mover went to move this box and low and behold! It was vibrating!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpE_gFCDHCU
December 20th, 2007 at 12:53 pm
You guys are totally cracking me up! I absolutely love these stories.
What I really think is interesting is that if I found out some kid was going through my shit I’d be PISSED! I promise the other parent is the one who would have been embarassed if that happened to me.
Kids these day have NO manners.
December 20th, 2007 at 1:46 pm
Yeah, the protective eyewear cracked me up, I thought maybe you had a gas-powered gizmo in there, but didn’t see one. “As a joke”. I hear that all the time when someone in the bookstore is looking for Kama Sutra, Joy of Sex or whatever. They can never just ask where it is or do we have it, it always comes with a “for a friend/joke” lengthy explanation. I’ve gotten to where I say “Yes ma’am, I hear that allll the time……” and other such comments. I just cannot resist messing with them about it. “It’s ok, I don’t judge anyone’s reading choices, no explanation is needed.” And to a 20ish girl “Now why do you think you have to explain why you’re wanting a copy of the Kama Sutra? Really, sweetie, it’s none of my business”. Fortunately they just giggle or laugh, but one of these days I’m sure I’m going to tick someone off.
If you’re that damned embarrassed, order it off the net!!
December 20th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
by the way……..how do you find the time to write??? But then a couple of them look like they’d allow you to, uh……multitask??
December 20th, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Peggy: writing? What writing?
December 20th, 2007 at 2:33 pm
Definitely a naughty girl here, though my stash runs more to the crops, floggers, whips, and rope variety……. *whistles*
December 20th, 2007 at 2:41 pm
Chrissy, sex toys are a welcome addition to any marriage. In fact, Manroot has bought every one of those toys except the rabbit thingie. Which, BTW, is my least favorite!
December 20th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
Ha, Nonny and Elaina!
That’s another box.
December 20th, 2007 at 3:08 pm
I wanna know what the goggles are for! And Karen yes you should…..I did. Damn we work hard all year, the least we can do is treat ourselves to new toys!
December 20th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
ROFLMAO!!! Wine bottle, safety goggles, and MY MY that is quite a stash!! Call me Green with envy now! LOL!! Well, Feisty, my Christmas list has just got a couple of new items . . .
December 20th, 2007 at 3:54 pm
We have a toy chest actually with a lock because of the kids. I recognize some of those toys by the way! I have an ohmibod and I love it (I even have playlists) and while I don’t have goggles I do have blinders and restraints and other things like that. And for glass, no wine bottles but I have a glass dildo that’s a gorgeous work of art! (and it’s safe to put in the dishwaster for sterilization)
Thing is, with the rabbit and vibes like that, I’m meh. I mean, if it has a separate control panel and a 20 page instruction book I’m gonna pass. I just want to have an orgasm, I don’t need to fly the space shuttle!
December 20th, 2007 at 4:00 pm
Feisty, that is quite a lovely collection, especially the exceptionallly cute purple penii — my favorite color. Cute, but the wine bottle is much more pleasure-effective in my case. And vibrators don’t do it. Being solo, I’ve got ‘toys’ but they are just ordinary use items like clothespins for clamps. Yes, I would be embarrassed fi someone found my strange collection — more now, because someone could use it against you in bad way. But I say, yay! Ladies have all the fun and toys you want. It won’t embarrass me, and if it does, it’s my problem. Gawd, I would have given almost anything to be among you gals when the box broke open. That’s hysterical. And a souvenir would have been nice. Goggles???
December 20th, 2007 at 4:49 pm
OMG - that’s too funny. All of our toys are in a bag, a big bag I’m proud to say, rasta and for years my best friend has known: “If something happens and hubby and I die in some horrible accident, go to my house and get the bag so my kids aren’t traumatized by knowing what their parents do.”
I was at a Girls Night Out party with above friend, and my SIL was also there. Friend and I were talking about the Rabbit and my SIL (who had never seen a dildo prior to this party) looked like she was gonna pass out at any moment. She finally whispered, “Does my brother know you have that?” Friend busted out laughing in her face and said, “Who the hell do you think bought it for her?” She would absolutely die if she saw our bag. But, I have to say, no safety goggles….
December 20th, 2007 at 7:58 pm
Dude, Feisty! I have that same vibrator with G-Spot Finder attachment. Naughty Girls UNITE!
December 20th, 2007 at 7:59 pm
I have a pretty box full. Rabbits and elephants and hummingbirds. Why, I have a zoo full. Oh, and the g-spot seal.
WHY do you continue to punish yourself with these Nice Girl Parties. Don’t you remember what happened at the ornament exchange?
December 20th, 2007 at 8:14 pm
LMAO, Eva. I do remember that. This year I just broke some balls by pretending they were, well balls.
I am so juvenile.
December 20th, 2007 at 8:16 pm
Girl, you crack me up. Goggles?
December 20th, 2007 at 8:20 pm
LOL you all put me to shame! My toy? ice/something cold. Gee I’m so not exciting LOL
not that I’d turn down a stash like that!
WHat do you do with the wine bottle?
December 20th, 2007 at 8:32 pm
Hubby and I have a big bag of toys in the bottom of the closet. I have one of those pretty glass dildos too
I think my kids (over 18) would be more embarrassed than me if they happened to run across the goody bag.
December 20th, 2007 at 11:06 pm
The safety goggles and wine bottle are more eye-catching than the stash, Lillian! And I’m like Emma Petersen - my mind went the same way…
I don’t have a stash except in my dreams. Perhaps this will be the year! My Naughty Girl relies heavily on my vivid fantasy life, but has been known to role play with gusto.
December 21st, 2007 at 12:02 am
I’m not a Naughty Girl. So I don’t have to tell you anything.
I’m a Macguyver type when it comes to toys though. I’m good at improvising.
Not many cool toys for guys anyway.
I do love, love, love using a woman’s toys on her though. I can usually get them to start babbling near the end.
December 21st, 2007 at 1:05 am
Good girl was probably sooo shamed because she hadn’t cleaned the big “V” up yet! Nothing like a dirty vibrator in a child’s paw to make a soccor mom upset! http://www.naughty-and-spice.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/gofuckyrself.png IT’S FUN!!!!!!!!!
http://www.naughty-and-spice.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/boxer.gif PS. Love the eyewear http://www.naughty-and-spice.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/wootrock.gif
December 21st, 2007 at 10:10 am
OMG you’re too funny. I have like 3 and one that’s real(DH) but that’s it. I bow to you! LOL!
December 21st, 2007 at 11:50 am
I only have one…it doesn’t get much use lately (I’m liking my sleep a bit too much these days with two preschool boys).
I’m thinking I need to update my collection tho’…some of those look FUN!
December 21st, 2007 at 4:33 pm
Okay it is offical I need to leave my shrink and strat attending se theraphy….. can I sign up for a one on one or is if groups classes only?
Love your collect I guess I need to upgrade mine! But I have given my 12 month old my vibrator as a teething toy when I could not find hers….. kept her happy!
December 21st, 2007 at 4:45 pm
I don’t know if I should worship you or be very afraid of you…but I do know one thing…either way:
December 21st, 2007 at 8:07 pm
Reformed Good girl gone
here 
I noticed the safety wear and wonder if the wine bottle is full?
My Mate has purchased all of my ‘gifts’ and they reside in a nice pink bag in the trunk next to the bed. It’s not an extensive collection (as yet) but he’s mentioned a time or two that we need to update the collection.
I’m happy to be counted amongst the bad girls this time.
December 22nd, 2007 at 12:25 pm
December 22nd, 2007 at 1:44 pm
“Hiding in my closet”? Girlfriend, our collection is proudly displayed–half on a table in the bedroom, half on a shelf in the “rec room” in the basement. (Our bedroom is freezing, but there’s a woodstove in the basement…) We have drapes in case someone shy (or the plumber) is coming over!
December 26th, 2007 at 4:28 am
Hmmmm… never ended up having a child discover a vibrator, and there have always been some around. I’m not threatened by toys and happily have given them as gifts or bought them for significant others.
Closest I’ve had is the six year old daughter bringing me the handcuffs she had taken out of the nightstand and asking, “Daddy, are you a police?”
December 27th, 2007 at 12:54 am
Will, if you are, then I need a ticket.
December 27th, 2007 at 12:54 am
I need it bad. Real bad.
December 27th, 2007 at 12:55 am
P.S. I LOVE you naughty people!