Naughty and Spice Blog » Blog Archive » Domestic Violence Awareness month by Lois Winston

Domestic Violence Awareness month by Lois Winston

It’s October, and that means pink, pink and more pink. October is National Breast Cancer Month. If you don’t know that, you’ve probably been living on another planet for the past few years. Personally, I’m thrilled that this horrible disease has so infiltrated the public conscience. Both my grandmother and mother developed breast cancer. My mother died from it. I want to see a cure in my lifetime, and since I’m not getting any younger, the powers that be better damn well hurry up and find that cure.

However, October is also Domestic Violence Awareness month. Personally, I wish the two didn’t share the same month. Each is too important, and one shouldn’t overshadow the other. That’s why I’m guest blogging here today, to help make as many people as possible aware that Domestic Violence is also a disease that desperately needs a cure.

Last February Freya’s Bower released Dreams & Desires, an anthology of nineteen stories by nineteen authors. The stories range from sweet to spicy to sizzling and cover a variety of romance sub-genres. So what does this book have to do with domestic violence? Everything. All the net proceeds — that’s 100% of the profit — from the sales of this anthology go directly to a battered woman’s shelter in Florida. That’s right. I said ALL. Not only did every author involved contribute their stories but all the editing and cover art were also donated. There have been other charity anthologies published in the past, but as far as I know, this is the first to contribute all of its profit.

Did you know that 95% of abuse victims are women? Every year four million women are assaulted by their spouses or partners. When Freya’s Bower invited me to participate in the Dreams & Desires anthology, I jumped at the chance to add my voice to a cause that can help break the cycle of abuse. By doing something I do all the time — writing — I can make a difference. Maybe the money raised will only help one person, but that’s one less abused person, and that’s a huge achievement.

But Dreams & Desires has already helped much more than one person. The anthology has been so successful that Dreams & Desires, Volume 2 will be released in February 2008, with another shelter receiving the proceeds of the sales.

Wouldn’t you like to make a difference? You can by purchasing a copy of Dreams & Desires. And as an added bonus to contributing to such a worthy cause, you’ll be rewarded with 19 great short stories by some of today’s rising authors. Freya’s Bower has made it easy with a price to fit all pocketbooks, whether yours comes from Wal-Mart or Fendi. Dreams & Desires is available as an eBook for $7.99 (ISBN: 1-934069-36-1), a paperback (ISBN: 1-934069-22-1) for $19.95, and a hard cover (ISBN: 1-934069- 23-X) for $29.95. The paperback and hardcover are available from Barnes & Noble at Barnes and Noble. The eBook is available through Freya’s Bower at Freyas Bower.

My contribution to the anthology is The Reluctant Bridesmaid, a humorous contemporary story set in New Jersey. Here’s a short blurb:

It was bad enough when Paige’s cousin Tara stole her boyfriend. Now Tara and the creep are getting married, and Paige is stuck wearing a bridesmaid’s gown that makes her look like a jaundiced Holstein — make that a jaundiced, dateless Holstein.

I hope the story makes you laugh out loud.

Thanks for stopping by, and may you all have your own dreams and desires come true.

Award-winning author Lois Winston writes humorous, cross-genre contemporary novels and issue-driven romantic suspense. Her latest book, Love, Lies and a Double Shot of Deception, was a June 2007 release and deals in part with domestic violence. Visit Lois at www.loiswinston.com.

This entry was posted on Friday, October 19th, 2007 at 1:00 am and is filed under Open Mic Spice. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.

Rhonda Says:
October 19th, 2007 at 8:39 am

GREAT post! Thank you for spreading the word about Domestic Violence.

Rob Graham Says:
October 19th, 2007 at 9:28 am

It’s never failed to amaze me that people don’t regard domestic violence as a huge problem, something that enormous resources should be devoted to eradicating.

I think it springs from two causes.

First, we still have a lot of attitudes left over from medieval times, when women were property. And you can break your property if you wish.

Second, we’re a society that worships ’strength’. But we don’t really now what ’strength’ is and so often mistake viciousness for it. Since ’strength’ is good we don’t allow ourselves to see or act against abuse.

I believe the solution is two parts.

First we have to teach women they don’t have to pt up with abuse. And we need support systems for them when they have to run.

Second, we have to teach men that violence against a spouse, lover or children isn’t a sign of strength, it’s a sign of weakness. That is the do so it means they are unable to act like men should.

My $0.02

donnell Says:
October 19th, 2007 at 9:38 am

Lois, you’re absolutely right. Breast cancer and domestic violence are too important to be categorized in the same month. Thank you and to all the wonderful authors who help get the word out. I read an interesting statistic the other day, that cancer rates are dropping. Let’s hope it applies to breast cancer as well. And as a victim’s advocate, I just have to throw in, that women can be abusers to domestic violence although predominantly women, this sad act does affect men and boys. No one has the right to lay a hand on you against your will.

Annette Says:
October 19th, 2007 at 9:42 am

I’m sorry about your mother and grandmother. I also lost my mother to breast cancer, 15 years ago. At that time, people didn’t really talk about this disease, not like they do today. I hope they find a cure soon. It would be great if no other family ever had to lose a loved one to this disease.

I wasn’t aware that October was also Domestic Violence Awareness month. Thank you for bringing attention to this important subject.

Sabeeha Johnson Says:
October 19th, 2007 at 9:50 am

Hi Lois: I’m glad to see these two important topics here and will add my bit.

I don’t think Domestic violence knows any economic or social boundaries. Women in expensive suburbs can get battered just as women in public housing. Once I saw black and blue marks on the arm of a friend who lived in a MacMansion (tasteful but huge, smacking of the husband’s monetary success)and asked her “What is that?”

She said, “Oh, I ran into a chest of drawer.”

Next time (weeks later) I saw huge black marks on her neck. “What is that?” I asked.

“Oh, the vampire came around,” giggle giggle.

Then she had a black eye. “What is that?” I asked.

“Oh, I fell down on the stairs,” she said.

To this day I wished I had forced her (somehow) to admit that she was getting beaten up by the highly successful bully.

So I guess the reason I’m writing here is to encourage friends to reach out and get battered women to find help. How best to do this?

Also, if anyone knows how best to get battered women to open up to their friends, please speak up here so we can all learn.

Sabeeha Johnson

Diana Groe Says:
October 19th, 2007 at 10:10 am

Thank you, Lois for bringing this important issue forward. If we only knew the desperation behind our neighbor’s doors, I like to think we’d be willing to help. Domestic violence has touched my own family. One of my sisters was sent to the hospital by her ex and her 8 year old daughter had to make the 911 call when daddy was holding a gun to mommy’s head. Thank God, my parents were able to help her break out of that abusive relationship. But not every woman in trouble has the support of friends and family. Thank you for providing support to those victims.

Diana
www.dianagroe.com
SILK DREAMS, “Sumptuously written historical romance”–The Chicago Tribune, Available Now

Amie Stuart Says:
October 19th, 2007 at 10:16 am

No one has the right to lay a hand on you against your will.

And let’s not forget….not all abuse takes the shape of a fist

Thanks for stopping by Lois! By the way if you’re in the D/FW area Candace Havens will be signing Dreams and Desires this weekend at the Barnes and Noble in N. Richland Hills from 2-4 PM.

Marci Says:
October 19th, 2007 at 10:50 am

Many of the victims are convinced they deserve it. The abuser has meticulously chipped away at their self-esteem until he has his victim where he wants her: believing every hit is her fault. The more we can pass this list around and educate people about abuse, the better chance we have of eradicating it.

We have discounted the books in honor of October being Domestic Violence Awareness month.

eBook: $4.99
Paperback: $14.95
Hardcover: $22.95

Purchase here: http://www.freyasbower.com/content/view/132/1/

Marci

Amanda Brice Says:
October 19th, 2007 at 10:53 am

Lois, thank you for bringing to attention. I agree…those two very important causes should NOT share the same month. Both are way too important.

I’m so sorry about your mother and am very glad that breast cancer is finally getting the attention it deserves, but domestic violence is also a disease that can strike any one of us.

Together we need to work together to eradicate both these horrible diseases.

Shelli Says:
October 19th, 2007 at 1:04 pm

Great post, Lois. And great responses from everyone.
It’s definitely an important issue. The Seattle chapter has a charity we give to, and it’s actually a domestic abuse women’s network.

Debbie Mumford Says:
October 20th, 2007 at 1:41 pm

Thanks for posting this, Lois. This is too important an issue to continue being swept under the carpet. I’m proud to have been part of this anthology.

Sherry Weddle Says:
October 21st, 2007 at 12:03 am

Lois,
Thanks for bringing attention to this often secret problem. My mother unfortunately met and married my stepfather, a man who at first seemed very nice, much better than my father who she was divorcing. Soon, however, he began to emotionally and physically abuse her and also my three younger sisters and me. I won’t go into the details, but in the six years we were with him until we fled, when I was fifteen, my sisters, mother and I lived a life no one should have to. And, almost no one else knew. He moved us around every few months so we had no relationships with neighbors, isolation is common. This was in the late 50’s early 60’s and there was no shelter for us to go to. No avenues of escape.
Fortunately, we all survived, but my sisters have emotional scars and this crushed my mother’s spirit. I am very lucky to have found a gentle husband and wonderful church communities so I learned from workshops and classes, and grew as a person.
I made sure all my kids knew what signs to look for in their friends, signs of being abused. We often had other teens living with us for months or years when their home conditions were unsafe. We called them our ’spare teens’ and many of them sent me Mother’s Day cards afterwards.
If you suspect a friend or neighbor is a victim of abuse, and there are many telltale signs, watch body language!!! Cringing when a spouse or boyfriend is approaching is a big clue, as are unexplained bruises, absences, emotional withdrawal, and many others.
Reach out, give them local phone numbers of shelters, show you care.
I’d like to plug a friend’s book, Kelle Z. Riley’s Dangerous Affairs, Echelon Press, which has an abused wife’s story of breaking free and being empowered. http://kellezriley.com/ Very well written. Kelle is a black belt in Karate, third degree, and she’s taught women’s defense classes for years. She wrote this book from her knowledge of abused women. She passes out lists of local agencies when she has a signing.
It’s a bigger problem than you realize, and social status is no guarantee it won’t happen there.
Sherry