Comments on: Domestic Violence Awareness month by Lois Winston

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By: Sherry Weddle

Sherry Weddle — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 04:03:13 +0000

Lois,
Thanks for bringing attention to this often secret problem. My mother unfortunately met and married my stepfather, a man who at first seemed very nice, much better than my father who she was divorcing. Soon, however, he began to emotionally and physically abuse her and also my three younger sisters and me. I won’t go into the details, but in the six years we were with him until we fled, when I was fifteen, my sisters, mother and I lived a life no one should have to. And, almost no one else knew. He moved us around every few months so we had no relationships with neighbors, isolation is common. This was in the late 50’s early 60’s and there was no shelter for us to go to. No avenues of escape.
Fortunately, we all survived, but my sisters have emotional scars and this crushed my mother’s spirit. I am very lucky to have found a gentle husband and wonderful church communities so I learned from workshops and classes, and grew as a person.
I made sure all my kids knew what signs to look for in their friends, signs of being abused. We often had other teens living with us for months or years when their home conditions were unsafe. We called them our ’spare teens’ and many of them sent me Mother’s Day cards afterwards.
If you suspect a friend or neighbor is a victim of abuse, and there are many telltale signs, watch body language!!! Cringing when a spouse or boyfriend is approaching is a big clue, as are unexplained bruises, absences, emotional withdrawal, and many others.
Reach out, give them local phone numbers of shelters, show you care.
I’d like to plug a friend’s book, Kelle Z. Riley’s Dangerous Affairs, Echelon Press, which has an abused wife’s story of breaking free and being empowered. http://kellezriley.com/ Very well written. Kelle is a black belt in Karate, third degree, and she’s taught women’s defense classes for years. She wrote this book from her knowledge of abused women. She passes out lists of local agencies when she has a signing.
It’s a bigger problem than you realize, and social status is no guarantee it won’t happen there.
Sherry

By: Debbie Mumford

Debbie Mumford — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 17:41:24 +0000

Thanks for posting this, Lois. This is too important an issue to continue being swept under the carpet. I’m proud to have been part of this anthology.

By: Shelli

Shelli — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 17:04:37 +0000

Great post, Lois. And great responses from everyone.
It’s definitely an important issue. The Seattle chapter has a charity we give to, and it’s actually a domestic abuse women’s network.

By: Amanda Brice

Amanda Brice — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 14:53:17 +0000

Lois, thank you for bringing to attention. I agree…those two very important causes should NOT share the same month. Both are way too important.

I’m so sorry about your mother and am very glad that breast cancer is finally getting the attention it deserves, but domestic violence is also a disease that can strike any one of us.

Together we need to work together to eradicate both these horrible diseases.

By: Marci

Marci — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 14:50:26 +0000

Many of the victims are convinced they deserve it. The abuser has meticulously chipped away at their self-esteem until he has his victim where he wants her: believing every hit is her fault. The more we can pass this list around and educate people about abuse, the better chance we have of eradicating it.

We have discounted the books in honor of October being Domestic Violence Awareness month.

eBook: $4.99
Paperback: $14.95
Hardcover: $22.95

Purchase here: http://www.freyasbower.com/content/view/132/1/

Marci

By: Amie Stuart

Amie Stuart — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 14:16:49 +0000

No one has the right to lay a hand on you against your will.

And let’s not forget….not all abuse takes the shape of a fist

Thanks for stopping by Lois! By the way if you’re in the D/FW area Candace Havens will be signing Dreams and Desires this weekend at the Barnes and Noble in N. Richland Hills from 2-4 PM.

By: Diana Groe

Diana Groe — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 14:10:31 +0000

Thank you, Lois for bringing this important issue forward. If we only knew the desperation behind our neighbor’s doors, I like to think we’d be willing to help. Domestic violence has touched my own family. One of my sisters was sent to the hospital by her ex and her 8 year old daughter had to make the 911 call when daddy was holding a gun to mommy’s head. Thank God, my parents were able to help her break out of that abusive relationship. But not every woman in trouble has the support of friends and family. Thank you for providing support to those victims.

Diana
www.dianagroe.com
SILK DREAMS, “Sumptuously written historical romance”–The Chicago Tribune, Available Now

By: Sabeeha Johnson

Sabeeha Johnson — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 13:50:58 +0000

Hi Lois: I’m glad to see these two important topics here and will add my bit.

I don’t think Domestic violence knows any economic or social boundaries. Women in expensive suburbs can get battered just as women in public housing. Once I saw black and blue marks on the arm of a friend who lived in a MacMansion (tasteful but huge, smacking of the husband’s monetary success)and asked her “What is that?”

She said, “Oh, I ran into a chest of drawer.”

Next time (weeks later) I saw huge black marks on her neck. “What is that?” I asked.

“Oh, the vampire came around,” giggle giggle.

Then she had a black eye. “What is that?” I asked.

“Oh, I fell down on the stairs,” she said.

To this day I wished I had forced her (somehow) to admit that she was getting beaten up by the highly successful bully.

So I guess the reason I’m writing here is to encourage friends to reach out and get battered women to find help. How best to do this?

Also, if anyone knows how best to get battered women to open up to their friends, please speak up here so we can all learn.

Sabeeha Johnson