My precious angel… not so precious?
So are all parents delusional about their children? Or is it just me? 
My daughter had her first day of pre-school last week. I walked her down the street to her school, walking backwards and clicking pictures of her the whole way. Would she cry? Would she step through that door and run to the toys? Would she be the one that helped all the scared children (since she’s one of the older kids).
We get to her class and I’m still clicking away, taking pics with her and her teacher. With her riding the tricycle since they start in the gym. I decide to leave, boldly kiss her and say, “I’m going to leave now, sweetie. I’ll be back around lunch time. Have fun and you be a good girl.” I walk towards the door, holding my breath. Will she scream? Will she cling to my leg? I make it out the door and hear footsteps coming after me. Then, “Mom? Can I play with this ball?” I turn around with relief and nod. “Yes, now go play. See you later.” And I make my escape. 
I had done it! My kid was not one of the crying, weeping, terrified children. I spent my three hours calm as a cucumber and having me time. Finally the time came to walk down the street and pick her up. I arrive and chit chat with the other parents. Listening with sympathy as they tell me how shy their child is and how they probably were a mess the entire time. 
Since we’re early, I decide to peek into the window. I can’t see much, but what I can see are the kids in a circle singing the goodbye song. How wonderful! Emma loves to sing. Finally the class ends and all the parents flood in to get their children. I step further into the room, see the smiling children, and then my gaze moves beyond them to the circle.
All my expectations are crushed. There’s my kid. And she’s laying in the middle of the circle CRYING!
I lock eyes with one teacher, “Oh my God, was she like this the whole time?”
She nods, gets a tight smile and says, “Most of it.”
Noooooooooo! 
The look in her eyes says it clear enough. My child is the difficult one.
My kid spots me, gets up and trudges over with fresh tears. I pat her on the back, mutter a you’re okay and look to the head teacher for guidance. She waves me aside and lowers her voice. I’m waiting for her to tell me my daughter just missed me or scraped her knee. Nope. My kid just doesn’t like being told what to do…. She doesn’t like taking orders. 
Maybe I should have seen it coming. She’s a little spoiled by me, and a lot so by the grandparents. But the teacher is wonderful. She’s fabulous, has full confidence my kid can be brought around. And come Tuesday I’m going to march my kid right back down to that pre-school and give it a go again. 
I guess this is such a shock because most people really like my daughter. She doesn’t have a lot of issues….or maybe I’ve just avoided conflict in true Shelli fashion.
Anyone have any experience with this? Have kids? Or been a teacher? Nanny? Is this uncommon? Is it common? Is this just a big bold warning of what I have to look forward to in life? Because it depressed me for like a whole twenty-four hours!
September 10th, 2007 at 1:27 am
Awww sorry Shelli! She’ll get over it, trust me. My kids go back and forth. Daughter doesn’t want me to leave her, son doesn’t want to participate in the actual real school stuff. He’d rather just play.
Watch, in two weeks she’ll be a completely different child! No more
September 10th, 2007 at 1:33 am
I’m really hoping so. Where’s the little praying icon!
September 10th, 2007 at 2:53 am
I agree with Karen, she’ll be right. It doesn’t take long for them to get into the swing of things.
But I was lucky. My daughter took to preschool and school instantly. She didn’t cry at all, and shooed us away the first day at preschool. Lol.
I’m sure Emma will be fine in no time. I think it’s just a shock at the beginning sometimes. Some kids at my daughter’s school still cry for their mums… and she’s in first grade.
September 10th, 2007 at 4:08 am
My daughter was the one that cried and grabbed and clung to my leg… “Daddy, don’t leave me!” But it gets better, it does. Both my children did it on occasion, although it was definitely more with the little girl. They adjusted.
The first few days can be hard. But soon enough she’ll be running away when you show up and hiding behind the play set because she want to stay with her friends…
Stay tough, Shelli… >hugs
September 10th, 2007 at 7:23 am
My kids were in preschool since son was two, daughter 6 months. They at first had separation issues from me. But once they adapted, they sometimes had separation issues with the school. It gets better. For the first day of school, they were excited. Then when dd, this year now in first grade, realized she couldn’t nap anymore, She pitched a fit at home…. Ha! I was glad for the no nap, it was supposed to make it easier for her to go to bed at night….
September 10th, 2007 at 9:16 am
Kids do have separation issues. My first (and only) time at day care, I cried from the time my mother dropped me off until my father picked me up. And I cried when my mother left me at kindergarten.
My son, who’s been in day care/preschool since he was 6 weeks old, still cries when I leave him. He’s 3.
One thing I’ve learned is to not prolong the good-byes. Get in, get out. Maybe let E take a special toy (one of her favorites) that she can hold when she feels sad at school. Most teachers are pretty open to do what they can to help children adjust. Also, make sure you all follow the same routine. And talk to E. Tell her you’re proud of her and that you want to know what new friends she made.
Crying is totally normal. But, man, does the Mommy Guilt suck!!
September 10th, 2007 at 9:47 am
Shell. You’ve heard my opinion at LENGTH about this subject matter. Lil Em’s on of the sweetest, brightest, adorable children I’ve ever met.
I don’t think she’s spoiled at all. Not even a bit.
September 10th, 2007 at 10:42 am
It’s only the first week…give her a bit of time and I’m sure she’ll be fine. We usually have problems dropping off (they don’t want me to leave) and then problems picking up (they don’t want to leave!)
September 10th, 2007 at 11:11 am
You guys are so great! I just worry because it’s not the separation anxiety bit, or not wanting to leave. I almost wish it was that instead.
My daughter just likes getting her way
, oh and I quote, “Uses tears for manipulation.” Ooooh I wince just remembering.
I’m glad most kids have SOME kind of issue though!
((HUGS))
September 10th, 2007 at 11:48 am
Shelli, I’m sure Emma is not spoiled. She has the amazing opportunity to spend the first few years of her life with you, and you should be proud of that! She just needs some time to adjust to the new situation. Hang in there!
September 10th, 2007 at 12:09 pm
Ah thanks Feisty! I just know I’m a little too much on the… she doesn’t have a dad so I’ll make her as happy as possible without one. I just wonder if I’ve let her get away with too much.
Hmmm.
September 10th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
Even if you do, so what? None of us are perfect.
September 10th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
Awww…preK is always hard on both mom and the kids. You will be amazed how different she will be in a few weeks. I just sent my two off to Kindergarten….wooohoooo!!!!!!
They only get teary when it is a holiday function and I come to help…I end up taking them home with me after that. So word to the wise, if you volunteer for a Halloween party, etc. expect to take your little one with you when you leave.
Isn’t school great?
Mari
September 10th, 2007 at 3:02 pm
Hi Marianne! Thanks for coming by :) Ooh holiday functions sound FUN!!!
September 10th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
Hi, Shelli…isn’t this what preK is for? Teaching them to sit quietly…in a group….pay attention…share…listen to grownups lead them in a song.
When my oldest went to nursery school (co-op so some days it was *my* turn to be there)one teacher just plain didn’t like her. She’d complain about her every time I picked her up. The *other* teacher NEVER complained. Always said she was happy, chatty…being herself. All the kids liked her…she didn’t not get along…except for this one teacher. I eventually figured it out. The teacher simply liked quieter, more reserved children. ( So I decided she was a bag…LOL!)
But this whole thing is just the beginning. Hey, it’s a new experience for her, but life’s full of ‘em.
She’ll be fine…how can she not be with a bright, enthusiastic Mom who’s in her corner?
don’t worry, be happy…she’ll see your calm demeanour and figure things out. (g)
Bonnie
September 10th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
*HUGS* for the little one, Shelli.
I’m kind of jealous. I don’t have kids and probably never will.
September 10th, 2007 at 5:10 pm
Shelli, it’s a mixed bag, I know, my son (now 23) was much the same. Didn’t like being told what to do, and guess whom he shares that quality with? ;) But, we all have to learn to get along in the world, including our kids.
She may not like it, but she will learn that different people will expect different things in life — it might be a bump, but it sounds to me that you are doing exactly the right thing. You listened to the teacher and you’re appropriately concerned. You’re open minded enough to hear what the teacher told you, and that’s good. So many parents fall into “everyone’s wrong and my child is flawless” mode. As a teacher, I had that experience even with college age kids! LOL The worst is when the parent won’t even acknowledge that there could be a tiny issue to be dealt with — the teacher was probably fearful that you wouldn’t listen. Emma just has to learn how to have a relationship with this new person, and she will, I bet.
Chances are, she’ll come around; soon enough, Emma will figure out that school is different from home. She sounds like a smart cookie, so she’ll figure it out fast.
Sam
September 10th, 2007 at 6:05 pm
Bonnie, that’s so sweet you made me get kind of teary (plus I am pms’ing! TMI?)
Rob, thanks for the hugs. Having a kid is great but it’s a loooooot of work.
Sam, good to hear input from someone who’s been teaching. Bonnie too really from doing the co-op. You’re right, I bet she gets weary of the parents reaction of “No you must be doing something wrong, my kid is perfect.” reaction.
Seriously I’m so open to nipping this in the bud. I want her to do well in school and she’s really SO excited to be there and mingle with other kids. (Only child at home!)
September 10th, 2007 at 8:57 pm
My little one is the same way. She isn’t in preschool yet but she doesn’t like to be told what to do especially when it comes from someone other than mom or dad. She doesn’t cry but she gets mad, she pouts and tell whoever it is she doesn’t like them. She does go to a class once per week but its only two hours so she doesn’t get told much. Its pretty much for fun. When she turns four we’ll put her in preschool and I just might be hitting you up then to find out what you did, LOL.
September 10th, 2007 at 9:39 pm
Kelley that’s too funny about your kid just saying I don’t like you. Emma hasn’t figured that out yet but I’m sure she will.
At least you have her in a class one day a week. This is the first thing I’ve done. She’s never been away. So I’m sure that’s part of the rebelling part.
September 10th, 2007 at 10:23 pm
Hey. You’re dealing with this now, and not in high school. And you’re listening to the teacher and trying to help your kid.
Bonus points for you, Shelli! I’m sure she’ll get the hang of it quickly. By parachute day, if nothing else… I recall parachute day being quite fun.
September 10th, 2007 at 10:55 pm
Yay, Kate! Another teacher perspective! I’m definitely listening. I want to learn how I can help them help her
September 11th, 2007 at 3:13 pm
I have to report in that after the kid’s second day of pre-school (today!) she did MUCH better! She participated in some things and wasn’t crying when I picked her up!
September 11th, 2007 at 11:43 pm
Yay!!!
Glad to hear Emma’s doing better. 