And Then…
I start every sentence with the words “and then.” And if it’s not the first phrase of the sentence, I work those fucking words in somewhere else. Seriously. See here? This is an unedited quote from what I wrote yesterday (and yes, I am posting the total crap that I call my first draft):
Warning: X-rated smut ahead
Wow, you clicked that button fast. Okay, here it is:
I closed my eyes and tried not to climax. He leaned forward and took one of my nipples into his mouth. And then he bit me—I knew his teeth would leaves marks and that made me cry out.
“You want to fuck me?”
“Yes,” I said. “I want to fuck you.”
He removed my right arm from his shoulder and then kissed the tip of my index finger. “Then fuck me.”
And then he sucked my finger into his mouth, as deeply as I fucked him. And then I ground against him, moving until my clit rubbed his pelvis in just the right place. And then, with my finger on his tongue, and my gaze locked on his, he climaxed inside of me. And only when his own shuddering ceased did he allow me to come.
And I think it was then that I fell in love in love with Mark. Just a little.
What the fuck? I have no idea why I feel the need to write “and then” all the damn time. Am I in second grade? The sad thing is that I’m well aware of this bad habit of mine, but I can’t stop myself. I still do it. And then I edit.
Please tell me your bad habits, writing or otherwise?
August 8th, 2007 at 11:10 pm
Too many thats. Lots of justs. For blogging purposes, I love to start a sentence with so.
With sex scenes, I get stuck on a word and use it waaaay too much. For instance, in one paragraph I had the word “against” three times. In like two sentences. Very embarrassing.
Thank god for editing.
August 8th, 2007 at 11:28 pm
So, Karen, I use the word “push” a lot. They’re always pushing. And then fucking.
August 8th, 2007 at 11:32 pm
Read entry # 16 on Feisty’s blog! I can’t stop thinking of her!
August 8th, 2007 at 11:40 pm
LOL, where did Zack come from?
Hmm. My Samhain editor say my characters groan a lot. Like so many times I should have changed my title to Trust and Groan. But other than that…hmm. I don’t think I’ve ever starte a sentence with ‘and then’ but now I want to try.
I do drive myself crazy with how many sentences start with ’she’ or ‘he’.
That was a hot excerpt by the way.
August 8th, 2007 at 11:48 pm
And then Shelli made me groan.
August 8th, 2007 at 11:49 pm
P.S. Zack is my biggest fan, dontcha know?
August 9th, 2007 at 2:27 am
I want a fan! Damn it ALL! How come you get all the fans. It’s because your breasts are bigger. I knew it. *Groan*
August 9th, 2007 at 8:30 am
And theeennnn…..dude where’s my car.
Totally made me think of the drive through scene.
I write huge long convoluted sentences. They usually end up as 2 or 3 smaller ones after the first round of edits.
August 9th, 2007 at 9:20 am
It’s like reading smut written by a 5 year old. Damn!
And then Auntie Mel tried to wash my mouth out with soap.
And then everyone laughed because we got naughty with the soap instead.
And then….
August 9th, 2007 at 9:41 am
LOL on “And then” — I think it’s just reflecting how into your writing you are.
I’ve maintained for a while that writing and editing are two completely different mindsets — you have to be in one brain or the other completely to do either one well, and so when you are writing, you are so completely into it you don’t care if you are being repetitious, etc or using quirky little phrases over and over — to me, this just shows how into your writing you are. Nothing to be down about there. You edit later, and that’s as it should be.
It’s why you have one hell of a hot scene here. :)
I have a lot of writing quirks, and different ones pop up in different books, though a standard is “felt/feeling” — I do search and replace for those after every ms is done, and it always leads to better writing, but I’m always “She felt as if her knees were going to give out” and I have to go back and do “Her knees gave out” or whatever. I continue to do it, even though I know, and that’s okay — as long as it’s edited out later…
Sam
August 9th, 2007 at 10:25 am
Back is my word in this go round.
And he pushed her back onto his erection. And then (hee) she leaned back to grasp his…Her nipple popped out of his mouth and he sucked it back…
So, yes.
And Shelli, if pictures do you justice, you win in the boobie contest, hands down. Maybe we can lure Zack your way.
August 9th, 2007 at 10:39 am
I’m really bad with commas. Everything that even looks like a phrase in a sentence gets a comma.
I’m beating that habit slowly but surely. Got a ways to go yet.
Thank God for edits and editors.
August 9th, 2007 at 10:51 am
Samantha, I do the felt thing a lot, too. She felt sad.
Eva, I’m all over the word back. I really am trying to bring sexy back.
Rob, I’m all about commas, dashes and the … I think my ms is actually one long sentence.
August 9th, 2007 at 11:42 am
My first is always “he said” “she said” “he asked” it makes me WANT to edit when I go back and reread. LOL.
August 9th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
LOL!
okay I use JUST all the time…. he JUST had to have her… lol
Can’t I JUST say… he had to have her???
and see there is the word JUST again.
Grin.
Hugs and Kisses,
Lacy.
August 9th, 2007 at 3:54 pm
LOL, Eva!
I love seeing what everyone else gets stuck on.
August 9th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
At least we’re in good company. I have to ad’just’ my mss when I’m done. And I still have to de-was-zle. Take down the felt board. Delete half of my characters names. Seriously. Weird habit. Oh…and I don’t write contractions. do not. Very odd.
Oh…and miss thang…RD is down. You need to email me. I’ll give it to you, but you can’t say where you got it.
August 9th, 2007 at 5:33 pm
I don’t want to start a big thing on copy edits. But I had a ms come in with a ton of “and thens” added. Yup. Added.
Just goes to show…what? I dunno.
BTW…missed the Wahlberg post yesterday. but have to say any of his movies are a must see.
Bonnie
August 9th, 2007 at 5:57 pm
Wow Bonnie! I bet I get knocked for not having enough ‘and thens’! LOL.
Yes. Mr. Wahlberg is my object of lust currently.
August 9th, 2007 at 6:28 pm
Peoples thighs are forever locking in ecstasy in my work. thighs lock, backs arch and things get sucked hard into the back of throats….
August 9th, 2007 at 6:48 pm
Dana, I’m a he said she said slut. I refuse to give them up.
Lacy, I just LOVE you!
Jenna I do not write contractions either.
Bonnie,
Seriously?
Um, Will, I love a good deep throat scene as much as the next girl. But, I have to say I have never written about any locking thighs. Maybe I should.
August 9th, 2007 at 6:56 pm
Will, I overdid arching backs so much I haven’t used it in awhile. I’m totally pulling that back out!
August 9th, 2007 at 6:58 pm
God, I haven’t done that either, shelli. Geez! I really need to stop writing things like “fuck me” and be more creative.
August 10th, 2007 at 12:56 am
I like creative
however, I must say that, despite my enjoyment of a good deep throat scene, it’s female anatomy that always gets sucked into the back of the throat…
It’s that oral fetish of mine.*sigh*
August 10th, 2007 at 3:07 am
Okay… I’m totally trying to get that visual.
Of what could hit the back of the throat. 
August 10th, 2007 at 10:09 am
I was writing Virtually Perfect at the same time I was writing my grad thesis in Geography, with an advisor who hated contractions. I never realized that in the mss, I hadn’t used any, and my editor actually made me go back and put a lot of them in, and still, I had a reader comment to me, that while she loved the book, she wondered if I was ESL because of the lack of contractions. ;)
LOL
I think I probably overuse them now…
Sam
August 10th, 2007 at 10:58 am
Shelli, I think Will needs to explain cause I’m drawing a blank. Or, maybe he writes about foot fetishes? Hm.
Samantha, that’s funny!
August 10th, 2007 at 2:23 pm
Karen I LOVEEEEEEEEEE SO!!!!!!!
I NEVER use And Then. it’ drives me freaking nuts and my cp ALWAYS corrects my “Thens” to And Thens…and then, I change it back
I HART THEN
Bonnie
We must have different copy-editors!
August 10th, 2007 at 2:24 pm
Samantha…no contractions makes me INSANE!
LOL
August 10th, 2007 at 10:06 pm
I use ‘as’ a lot. It starts every damn sentence I write.
August 10th, 2007 at 10:18 pm
Yeah…about the ce…we probably all get different ones all the time. Never the same one twice…all my copy editors have caught different things. But the and thens…all came back out. I had lists and lists of them all taken out.
Amie, tell your cp to get a job copyediting if she’s that anal!
Bonnie