We’re here!
Hello. Bonjour. Guten Tag. Hola. Nei Ho. Buon giorno. Ohayou gozaimasu. And hello in many other languages I may not know. :)
Thanks for coming by Naughty and Spice on our opening day!
What are we exactly? Well, we’re four authors who think alike, have similar writing styles, and have no qualms about saying whatever the heck is on our mind. We wanted a place where we could just kick back and have fun. Next week we’ll be having some drawings and give aways to those who come by and comment! (Yes, that’s code for we’re bribing you to come back).
So since I’m your Monday blogger, let me officially get this party started!
Am I expecting too much because I write romance novels?
Seriously. I write these ultra romantic books, with sex that could set the curtains on fire. But let me tell you, I’m not writing from first hand accounts. Scrolling back through my relationships and the men I’ve dated, I don’t think I’ve ever had that kind of passion. I’ve had kisses that get me physically excited and bring out the tummy flips, and I’ve gotten really close to that level. But have I had that toe curling, I can’t think straight, “take me to bed or lose me forever” passion? And the answer is…no. I don’t think so at least.
So I have to wonder, am I writing some romantic form of fantasy? Does this stuff of books and movies exist? This ultimate passion of You drive every thought–even the coffee pot I left on–out of my mind. Or am I just writing how most young girls envision it to be? How I always envisioned it would be. Maybe I’ve just set the bar too high. Or is tummy flipping what it’s all about, and I’m just impossible to please? Does the toe curling come the deeper you fall in love (because that’s another thing, I’ve only been in the shallow water of love.) Maybe I’m over analyzing this all, maybe I’m doing something wrong. Am I being unrealistic to want that kind of passion? Please share your thoughts!
Happy Memorial Day
May 28th, 2007 at 1:07 am
It can happen. Trust me. You need to turn your writer brain off and your \
May 28th, 2007 at 1:08 am
Awwwww Shelli…
Okay, well I’ll give my two cents and you can take it or leave it.
Does passion exist? You bet your patootie. :D
Does it change with age? Um… ‘fraid so. But that’s not all bad. You know more of what you want, which amplifies the physical intensity if it’s on the mark. If it’s not, then yeah, you’re going to be doing the mental watch checking.
Is the toe curling impossible/hard to find? Impossible - no, Hard - yes. The more discerning you are, the more the chemistry has to actually click to make you stand up and pay attention. Chemistry alone may not make you look twice, nor tight jeans, or hot abs… or… Wait… Lost my train of something there… :P
I guess what I’m saying is it does exist, but the level of what we expect is individual. The level of what we want, and will settle for is also individual. What may not feel passionate from one, will rock your boat from someone else. That’s why we have to kiss so many frogs to find our prince. Lord knows I should own stock in the lily ponds. :P But what was really neat, when I did find him, I KNEW it. I asked him to marry me in less than 3 months. Then again, I’d already been through the circus once. I knew what I was looking for in a guy.
The passion was there, and then some. ;) Sorry if it’s TMI, but it’s after midnight and I should be in bed. Seriously.
Don’t give up. My final word on the matter.
May 28th, 2007 at 1:09 am
It ate half my comment! It hates me!
I meant to say you need to turn your writer brain off and your “gimme some lovin” brain on. Sheesh.
May 28th, 2007 at 1:11 am
I don’t know. I think we’re doomed. No man can live up to what I write.
May 28th, 2007 at 1:12 am
LOL thanks Karen.
Wow, Diana. I really like what you said here: “Does it change with age? Um… ‘fraid so. But that’s not all bad. You know more of what you want, which amplifies the physical intensity if it’s on the mark. If it’s not, then yeah, you’re going to be doing the mental watch checking.”
I think you’ve got a really good point!
May 28th, 2007 at 1:22 am
Feisty! LOL I know! I totally KNOW! And seriously… I think that’s my problem. It’ll never be as good as it is in the books. That’s why we read and write them…. isn’t it?
May 28th, 2007 at 3:02 am
Hey Shelli! Lookin’ good around here, absolutely lovely. ;)
So, now to your question: YES! The ‘ultimate passion of You drive every thought–even the coffee pot I left on–out of my mind’ thing can definitely happen.
Actually, finding it is the hardest part.
Hang in there. Good things happen to good people… it’s just a matter of time for you. :D
May 28th, 2007 at 6:44 am
Hi Shelli, nice shiny new blog
I’m another vote that the sparks and passion can be there. Honestly, all my books stem from the crazy feelings I experienced while falling in love with DH. Didn’t think it could happen to cynical me, but I was wrong 
Prior to that I also experienced geniune “fireworks” behind my eyelids by kissing a guy I really didn’t know (hey, I was a teen 
) so I think it can happen from pure chemistry, too.
With DH we both danced around each other for so long, not kissing or doing anything else, that the sexual tension built to the point where I thought I might just DIE if something didn’t happen
Jen (waving to Amie)
May 28th, 2007 at 7:17 am
It does exist. Is it easy to find? No. There’s also a part of you that has to make the decision that you want this guy to be the guy that makes you go yum.
May 28th, 2007 at 7:41 am
I’m a big believer in chemistry. If it’s not there it’s not there. I have personally seen the cliched fireworks so I know they exist.
Jen
May 28th, 2007 at 7:57 am
Hey Shelli! I love the new blog, btw! Gorgeous.
Does passion exist they way we write about it in our books? Yes, I believe it does. You’re standards are not too high, you just haven’t found the right chemistry. That doesn’t mean a true love can’t grow over time. Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater because a kiss didn’t curl your toes. I’m a big believer in love taking time to grow also. Some of the best couples I know, couldn’t stand each other when they met. The journey from cold to hot can be a lot of fun.
May 28th, 2007 at 8:17 am
I still remember my first kiss with the redneck. I’d been wondering if we really had any chemistry….and then he kissed me. Let’s just say it went from 0-60 in an instant.
That kind of passion exists. My problem is that I get passion confused with danger. If a guy makes my nerves skitter and my stomach flip, maybe it’s FEAR. Cause they’re usually bad boys. It’s taken me a long time to recognize the difference.
Remember, it’s been a while. It was so hard to trust myself after my first marriage and three years of a dry spell.
Don’t give up, honey.
May 28th, 2007 at 8:18 am
I think part of the problem is that what we write is mostly about new love and new love is always exciting! It gets our blood pumping, it makes us sweat…er moon around like high school girls sometimes but the lasting kind, the kind that makes you still sigh at the sight of the man you’ve been married to for over 20 years, the kind of love that can stand adversity, is something you have to work for (after you find that prince).
May 28th, 2007 at 8:58 am
I have to agree with Amie. I have been married for almost 15 years. Passion changes over the years. I think it does exist with all the heat and sizzle that we write it with. Turn your brain off.
OK, so we all want to compare real men with our heros. To be quite honest, I wouldn’t really want a couple of my heros. They are wonderful, sexy, loving, and dangerous. They are the kinds of guys I will ogle in a bar, but would never ask to dance.
No the men in our lives are not the heros we write about. We aren’t the heroines, either. Even though some days we think we are.
Lia
May 28th, 2007 at 11:36 am
*sobs* My long-ass reply got eaten!
Short version: A new blog! It looks great, ladies!
And as for passion…I do believe that kind of passion exists. But I think over time it changes, goes from raging forest fire to embers with occasional flare-ups. At least, that’s how it is with my husband, and I love it. The wild, crazy passion is too exhausting, and I much prefer the deeper, more steady kind of love–with the flare-ups, of course! *g*
May 28th, 2007 at 11:47 am
I can live up to what you write, Feisty.
May 28th, 2007 at 12:32 pm
May 28th, 2007 at 12:44 pm
This ate my first post :( It was long and clever {okay maybe not lol} Congrats on the site!
May 28th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
LOL larissa that’s exactly what I was talking about. I know it works, I’ve seen it different famiy members’ marriages nad you’re right…teh fire can be exhausting
May 28th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
I answered you on RD but wanted to come check out your new blog. Nice!
I agree with Jennifer McKenzie and maybe that’s a bit of what I was struggling to say on RD. Sometimes it is easy to confuse passion and dangerous excitement. I say give this new guy a chance. I gave my friend a chance and 11 years and three kids later we’re still going strong. I doubted that would ever happen after my ex. And make no mistake passion isn’t just about sex. Cause
we have no problem there. LOL But passion feels like that heady stuff that “take me now” stuff. I’ve been there, I like that and I do miss it. But what I’ve got now I wouldn’t give up for the world.
I don’t even know if that made sense. Sorry.
May 28th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
I’ve had that kind of passion. It most definitely exists and is the most amazing thing in the world. To connect that deeply with another human being is both awe inspiring and terrifying. Because as I have now ended that relationship, my concern is, will I ever get it again, and in all truth, he’ll always have a piece of my soul with him. A connection that deep doesn’t end entirely.
Congrats on the new blog girls!!
May 28th, 2007 at 1:38 pm
OMG I’m loving everyone’s stories and opinions. Because it really puts things into perspective. And you’re right. We aren’t the heroine’s in our book, why should we expect the men we date/marry to be clones of our hero?
Great points! I’m loving this!
May 28th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
I think that kind of passion exists, it can just be difficult to find.
Granted- sometimse men just suck but you know sometimes women do, too.
Live Hard. Die Amused.
May 28th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
Congratulations on your new blog, ladies!
I think that kind of passion does exist. Do we all find it–not necessarily. Or if we do, it changes over time and becomes less frantic and deeper. I think that’s prety normal.
May 28th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
Oh…that passion exists. :) Whether it LASTS or not, is the question…
M
May 28th, 2007 at 5:16 pm
Prove it, Jordon.
May 28th, 2007 at 5:18 pm
I might if you could use the right name when we\\\’re in bed together. J-o-r-d-A-n.
May 28th, 2007 at 6:07 pm
Love the new blog!!
Passion does exist. I don’t know if its AS great as in the books but I’ve felt it.
May 28th, 2007 at 6:11 pm
Thanks for everyone who’s dropping by, I’m just thrilled! And thanks for the compliments on the blog. Stonecreek did a fabulous job!
Feisty and Jordan, get a room. Then send us pictures.
May 28th, 2007 at 6:25 pm
May 28th, 2007 at 6:52 pm
Oh, the tummy flipping & toe curling is out there.
So are UFOs and Sasquatch.
They’re just hard to find.
May 28th, 2007 at 7:10 pm
It exists.
My partner touches me and all the thoughts fall out of my head.
I don’t know if it’s chemistry or cos he’s The One. But it’s definitely still working after 14 years.
And when we were first dating–my goodness, he touched my *thumb* and it became an erogenous zone.
I don’t know if that kind of relationship is there for everyone though. I really hope it is, though!
Immi
x
May 28th, 2007 at 8:03 pm
Raine LOL!!!!!!!!!!
May 28th, 2007 at 9:11 pm
Raine, lol, you crack me up. And you know, I agree!
Imogen, I think that is fabulous that you have that.
May 28th, 2007 at 10:08 pm
I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but I’ve experienced that kind of passion and romance. When Morgan and I met IRL for the first time, it was like something out of a novel. Come to think of it, I told a friend at the time he acted like a romance novel hero of the gallant knight variety.
I’ve been with him for two years now, and things have calmed in some regards. Part of it, though, is due to the fact that his health has severely declined in that time period. But how deeply we care for each other hasn’t changed. Nor has the mind-blowing sex; if anything, it continues to just get better. ;)
May 29th, 2007 at 1:46 am
(Finally, a code I can read! This is the fourth f**king time I’ve tried to post this! Thank God I knew in advance to copy my comment. :D)
Cool blog, girls!
Shelli, before I met Mr. Robin, I scoffed at the idea of love at first sight. I mean, it takes TIME and EFFORT to get to know one another, right? Falling for a guy before you know his credit history, food preferences, and unfortunate habits is just asking to have your heart broken in a big way, right?
Wrong! I saw Mr. Robin’s face and I KNEW he was the only man for me — even though he was a farmer in Nebraska and all I’d ever truly wanted from life was to live forever in the Colorado Rockies. And did I ever imaging having to chase my Prince Charming? Hell no! I thought some guy was going to have to work awfully hard to catch me. After all, it wasn’t an accident that I’d made it to Sweet 31 and Never Been Kissed — I didn’t trust guys and I really doubted there were any left worth kissing. Little did I know…
Love’s going to hit you when you least expect it, Shelli, so just relax and enjoy being single while you can.
May 29th, 2007 at 2:17 am
Ok my two cents? Once you have kids there is just alot going on.
When I met my current hubby I damn near dropped to my knees when he kissed me. I’m serious, it was instant perspiration, can’t breath, who turned off the air in here. Not to mention, who stole my legs out from under me and thank God this guy is strong enough to hold me up. LOL
Stop shooting daggers at me. After I had my little one the whole romance idea changed. Now, once in a while I’ll get a toe curling kiss, but more importantly I’m content. I have my family, I’m not looking for mind blowing orgasmic sex, I’m looking to be well taken care of, my child taken care of and like it or not it dampens the sort of romantic notions we set forth. However, to me, it makes the bonds tighter with whomever w choose.
Maybe this guy doesn’t curl your toes on a first kiss. Maybe, you need a different type of stimulation to turn that kiss into something sizzling. Maybe it’s one fifteen and I’m rambling. :)
I hope you figure it out for yourself. HUGS, sometimes it’s better to start off in the middle than have things fade and wish it was at the top again.
May 29th, 2007 at 9:05 am
Hold out Shell, the toe curling will come.
Now, maybe the fantasy part is that the passion isn’t ALWAYS toe curling, and maybe you won’t get multiple o’s every time, lol. I mean, with kids, sometimes you have to get in, get out and get the job done, you know? bBut my husband is my real life romantic hero, in bed and out. Before I met him, I was writing what I wished I would find (but secretly wasn’t sure I would). Now I know the ‘real thang’ is a posibility.
Here’s hoping you find yours soon :)
Anna
May 29th, 2007 at 9:15 am
Congrats on the new blog!
May 29th, 2007 at 10:11 am
Look at you all who’ve found it! It’s so inspiring. And yes, I think you’re right about the kids part (which I come bringing into it anyway!)
Seeing all these responses has been fascinating. And encouraging :D You all rock! Hugs!
May 29th, 2007 at 11:06 am
I wanted to add that I did not fall in love at first sight with my Hero {we were both dating other people at the time} I did however feel an amazing connection, an affection which turned into the longest deepest friendship of my life. After years of being best friends-both of us looking for that toe curling storybook love-growing up and becoming who we were supposed to be-we looked at each other one day and lightning struck.Oh. Wow. I felt stupid lol. He was right under my nose.
Known him 10 years now. Half that time was spent as inseperable best friends. Half that time as a red hot married couple. And it just keeps getting better. Especially since I started writing erotic romance. He reads everything I write you see ;) and he seems to have decided that its his mission to out sexy my larger than life Alpha males. I am a very happy woman. Nuff said LOL
May 30th, 2007 at 2:53 am
That is so sweet R.G. I love that story. I’ve always kind of wanted that story. Sigh.
May 30th, 2007 at 7:07 am
Shelli,
It definitely exists. I’ve been married to my sexy man for 21 years now and it’s better now than it ever was. Not as often, perhaps. LOL
Chin up! It will happen when you least expect it.
May 30th, 2007 at 5:30 pm
WAVES!
May 30th, 2007 at 7:19 pm
I think that romance is not always about sex. I’m not saying sex isn’t important, because it is, but it’s different from romance.
Let’s say you’ve had a bad day at work, your car broke down on the way home, you get home and discover a pipe’s broken and there’s water all over the bathroom floor.
Your sweetie comes home, turns off the water and says “Baby, let me take you out to your favorite restaurant for dinner, you look like you need it. We’ll deal with this later.”
Now THAT’s romantic in my book. Has nothing whatsoever to do with sex, it just means he’s seeing you as a real person and wants you to be happy. Isn’t that what romance is all about?
But I agree, it’s tough to beat what you write because I don’t know about you, Shelli, but I ALWAYS try to write my hero saying the perfect thing when it’s necessary and life just aint like that!
Judy
May 30th, 2007 at 7:29 pm
Hi Lesa!
Judy, I really kind of agree with that. Because face it, how long can you have good sex? I want the man who’s empathetic and in tune to my needs–beyond the bedroom!
May 30th, 2007 at 7:42 pm
Hi Shelli and all:) I like the blog site–very inviting and relaxed.
Judy–if you find an extra man like the one you describe, send him over. At least I could put him somewhere just to look at from time to time.
Cheers, Stella
May 30th, 2007 at 7:48 pm
I absolutely agree Shelli. We spend the majority of our time out of the bedroom. I think it’s important to realize that when we write romance, what we’re really writing is romantic fantasy because our hero always does and says the perfect thing at the perfect time, even if we make him screw up. No real person can ever measure up to what we write because no one is perfect…not even us. (sad but true). IMHO sex and romance are different things. I love my husband and we have a good sex life, but I have to say the hottest, best sex I ever had in my life was with the bad boys I would NEVER consider having a long-term relationship with. (My husband isn’t reading this, is he?) But my husband is the most romantic guy in the world and I couldn’t find anyone else that suited me so well.
Judy
May 30th, 2007 at 8:01 pm
Whew, baby, melt-the-curtains passion does indeed exist. :mops brow: It does change, though, to something deeper and more enduring. (PTP)
But don’t ever settle. I settled once. HUGE mistake.
Happy Hunting!
May 30th, 2007 at 8:05 pm
That’s also why I think it can be better to give your hero a flaw, show him screw up. Because sometimes too much perfection just doesn’t lock in the reader. They can’t relate to that at all. Show him leaving his socks all over the house.
I think you’re right about that crazy passion too, sometimes it is the bad boy that does it (but then is it the thrill/fear? or passion?) but would we marry them? Hmm. Probably not.
May 30th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
Hey Stella! I’m so glad you came by :) And I’d sure like to find one of those guys Judy has as well! Would be heavenly.
May 30th, 2007 at 9:00 pm
You’re not being unrealistic at all! We all want that, I think. I had it once and believe me… there IS such a thing as toe-curling, sweat-inducing, tummy-flipping, head-over-heels love. It’s intoxicating and once you get it, you never want to give it up. And further to that - it totally effing sucks the big one if he breaks your heart. But you know what? Even though I was totally crushed… I still want it. I’m just a little more cautious this time.
May 30th, 2007 at 9:23 pm
That’s also why I think it can be better to give your hero a flaw, show him screw up.
I definitely like flawed (which you know if you’ve ever read any of my books
)…it makes the characters a bit more relateable. Did I spell that right? Is that even a word?
May 31st, 2007 at 12:09 am
Jacquie you got caught in spam! I’m sorry I just now found you! Happy Hunting. Hee hee. I think I’d rather be hunted, and that’s my problem.
I’ve read your books, Amie, and yes I love a flawed hero. relatable? Hang on let me spell check it. Yup relatable.
May 31st, 2007 at 9:58 am
Shelli, what a great website!
I like flawed heroes, too. It makes them more believable. About the toe-curling stuff…Sometimes it appears when we least expect it!
May 31st, 2007 at 10:35 am
Hi, Shelli-
Passion and true love do exist, and I’m not just saying that because I write romance!
I’m living proof that not only does it exist, it can endure.
My honey and I have been married for a loooong time. One thing I’ve learned is that you must keep your independence. And communicate. Do both of those things, and celebrate each other’s successes and support each other the rest of the time, and love and passion will live as long as you and your special person do.
So dream on, Shelli! He’s out there and in time you’ll find each other.
May 31st, 2007 at 1:25 pm
Hi Julie, thanks for coming by!
Ann, what great advice. I think you really do have to work at it, but also maintain that individuality. Thanks for coming by. Hugs!
May 31st, 2007 at 8:47 pm
I haven’t expressed myself in the loop too much, but once I viewed this blog, I had to speak out. I remember when I met my husband, and when I KNEW he was the one. The heart racing, hands sweating, loss of thought, and need for more of him above anything else, hasn’t worn off after 10 years of marriage. However, we dated for five before that. I had goals to complete before I allowed myself marriage. And I wanted to be sure I could handle the long term thing with a passionate man. I worried about losing attraction over the years. I’m happy to say that to this day, we still have the same chemical reaction to one another
. With time, we’ve become even better friends and the growth only heightens our passions.
So, yeah, it’s out there. In my case, I just turned around and looked at him, and knew. I also agree with most when they mention that it’s an individual selection. What toots my horn may not toot someone else’s.
May 31st, 2007 at 9:03 pm
Judy I’m so glad you came by! I love hearing everyone’s stories. And that’s fabulous after 10 years you still have it.
June 1st, 2007 at 9:39 am
Hmm. This may not be the best time for me to respond… I’m a teacher at the end of her first year (and, not coincidentally, her rope). The Boyfriend and I moved in together in January, and I kept waiting for “the honeymoon phase.” However, I think the honeymoon phase got buried beneath a ton-and-a-half of ungraded Animal Farm essays.
The Boyfriend and I have been together 3.5 years. Over that time, I’ve been unemployed, a graduate student, and a teacher… and I’ve noticed something. Our sex life is so much better during the summer, or winter break, or whenever it is I can turn off the stressful little hamster wheel in my head. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s very hard for perfectionists to get the toe-curl. It does happen, but you have to turn off the inner critic.
The reason I love The Boyfriend is because we laugh together. Some of the quirks that I can’t even stand about myself he manages to find endearing. He doesn’t gripe when I fall asleep at 5:30pm on a Friday night. And–as silly as this sounds–he’s willing to have bad sex and laugh at that, too. He doesn’t get all caught up in having to be perfect every time (I really should take a lesson from him). He deals admirably when my own stressed weirdness messes with my head… and therefore our relationship. And when I’m ready to quit climbing the walls and focus on something pleasant for a change?
Oh, the toe-curl!
June 1st, 2007 at 11:15 am
Kate wrote:
>And–as silly as this sounds–he’s willing to have bad sex and laugh at that, too. He doesn’t get all caught up in having to be perfect every time (I really should take a lesson from him).
June 1st, 2007 at 11:21 am
Okay, the software cut off my response to Kate ;-). First of all, Kate, I think The Boyfriend’s a keeper.
Is there a man alive that is less than thrilled over any experience with the wild thing?
Julie
June 1st, 2007 at 12:41 pm
Hey Kate! Good to see you here! See that’s a good relationship to have too though. And that’s the question, can you see yourself with him in years to come? He sounds great!
June 1st, 2007 at 12:43 pm
And Julie (I plan to reply to your email soon, I promise!) I agree. Even bad sex is good sex to men.
June 1st, 2007 at 1:07 pm
I like Judy’s response.. I have to say that passion and love are two different things. The guys I have had passion with were not guys that I’d want a loving relationship with.. they were “bad” guys.
Maybe there could be a mix of both in a man (passion and a loving man).. who knows!?
June 1st, 2007 at 2:50 pm
Patricia wrote:
Maybe there could be a mix of both in a man (passion and a loving man).. who knows!?
Maybe it’s like that old saying — I know some of you have heard it — “a lady in the living room, a whore in the bedroom”.
We all flinch at that term. Men supposedly dream about this.
Okay, I’m married, but I have a raging crush on a man who looks very proper and buttoned-down in his daily life, but I’ve seen photographs of the naughty twinkle in his eyes! What’s going on in there? It drives me wild!
Julie
p.s. Shelli, I love this blog! What a great question!
June 1st, 2007 at 3:55 pm
Hey Patricia!! If I could find both…I’d never leave the house. Or I would but…well you know what I’m saying!
Julie, I’ve totally heard that saying. I’m the freak in the bedroom, but unfortunately the freak in the living room too. Sooo I’m just a freak?